Co-parenting is a messy situation most couples regret

The internet came to a standstill recently when former news anchor Jacque Maribe exploded on her baby daddy, comedian Eric Omondi.

"I have resisted responding to this liar. He thinks parenting is part of his comedy," Maribe fired at him in a whirlwind of co-parenting chaos.

Maribe accused Omondi of lying about their eight-year-old son, claiming that he neglects his parental responsibilities and even denies being the father.

However, their tumultuous relationship resembles a burlesque script, with the couple oscillating between bitter social media battles and seemingly happy holiday trips, leaving onlookers bewildered.

In a fiery Instagram post, Maribe vented her frustrations, labelling Omondi a deadbeat father who has no idea about their son's life, whereabouts, or education.

"Mr and Mrs K were just chilling, and then boom. People started calling and texting, saying that someone called Eric was talking about you. I have resisted responding to this liar. He thinks that parenting is part of comedy. He lies about everything!" read Maribe’s Instagram stories.

In the midst of the chaos, Eric Omondi has always denied Maribe's claims, insisting that he spends time with his son. He expressed confusion over Maribe's accusations, citing their positive moments and even hinting at his new girlfriend, Lynne, who was expecting their child.

 

The hell of co-parenting 

The co-parenting chaos extends beyond Maribe and Omondi, where the powerful and powerless who are co-parenting have juicy stories of chaotic engagements they can narrate.

Former president Uhuru Kenyatta aide, Jomo Gecaga, found himself entangled in a similar scandal where he was branded a deadbeat father by former news anchor Ann Kiguta, who demanded a staggering monthly upkeep of Sh2.7 million for their three children. Kiguta accused Gecaga of neglecting his parental responsibilities, subjecting their children to emotional suffering and embarrassment.

"His erratic behaviour and abdication of parental responsibilities have exposed the minors to untold emotional suffering, ridicule, and embarrassment. He introduced them to a high standard of life, which he must maintain for the children’s well-being," swore Kiguta.

In court, Gecaga refuted Kiguta's claims, emphasising that he cares for all five of his children, including the twins he shares with Kiguta. He argued that the plaintiff had unrealistic expectations of his financial resources, wrongly assuming that he had access to endless wealth due to his family connections.

"The plaintiff seems to be under the mistaken impression that because I am related to the family of the former presidents of Kenya, the said family’s alleged wealth belongs to me and that I have access to it and endless resources, and she has made extremely unreasonable and unrealistic demands to fund an untenable lifestyle," argued Gechaga.

And just like other co-parenting couples, the battle for children and child custody is at the heart of these co-parenting dramas.

Jomo wants the court to grant joint legal custody of their children, proposing that he be granted physical custody while ensuring reasonable access for Kiguta.

Children as weapons

These high-profile cases have drawn the attention of music artist Akothee, a self-proclaimed president of single mothers.

Akothee believes that the use of children as weapons in parental disputes is wrong, describing it as a global pandemic. She warned that such behaviour not only harms the children involved but also ruins the lives of the parents themselves.

"Most people misunderstood the deep meaning of what I meant when I said this earlier. This co-parenting thing puts your children’s lives in danger if the other partner is not cooperative and has other interests," the mother of five co-parenting with five different baby daddies said, adding, "Some of us are living roho juu, ni shingo tu tumeweka nje tupumue tusizame (We are just surviving and taking each day as it comes)."

Akothee, a mother of five children who has three different fathers, posted on social media that she hates cooperating.

"Co-parenting the animal I hate to love, that animal... Only women raising children in broken relationships understand this feeling," she lamented.

Trust and chaos

Meanwhile, stories of unconventional relationships further add to the co-parenting chaos. A married Jane confessed that she was ready to have a child with her baby daddy, indicating a desire for all her children to have one father.

Dennis, a pilot, shared a similar experience, disclosing that he fathered his baby mama's second child despite her being married.

"The mother told me that she wants me to have a second kid with him and that the husband would not know," Dennis said.

A Nairobi woman, Mercy Gatwiri, told a local publication that co-parenting is complicated, despite the people around them believing that the four are happy together.

"I was comfortable; it never came out of my mouth! Going forward, I will always invite him to the kids' special occasions! The rest is upon him; let him deal with his conscience! "During kids' events, I pretend I never heard or saw anything. I call or text him, and we accompany each other to the parents' meeting," she said.

The mother of two said that in her case, her baby daddy mistreats her and is very uncooperative. She added that the baby's dad decides he will provide for the kids one day and cuts it off the following day.

"I feel he is taking advantage of me," she said, adding, "But I am not separating them. My kids will one day know what kind of father they have. I am not telling them either; sometimes there's this temptation to tell them, especially when I am overwhelmed by bills."

James, a hawker, who married a single mother said that his biggest challenge is allowing his wife to meet her baby daddy.

"It is very hard because these people banged before you met and nothing can stop them now," he said

Social media influencer, Amira believes co-parenting is hard and regrets siring for her ex-husband Jimal.

"Co-parenting is a nightmare. I love my kids to death, and if I had a chance to go back in time and make the right decisions, I wouldn't have picked him as their father," she said, adding, "They are big boys. They know everything that has been happening. I can't answer all the questions today, but since the internet never forgets, I leave this here for my boys one day when they grow up, they will see these."

 

Overcoming co-parenting challenges

As the tabloid drama unfolds, Marriage and Family Therapist Nicoleta Mungai stresses the need for a structured visitation plan to avoid conflicts and disruptions.

She said that setting clear rules and expectations and addressing issues away from the children's presence is crucial for successful co-parenting.

She said that a lot of negative emotions arise in such a setting; hence, those involved should detach their personal feelings so that the children don’t pick up on the negative energy.

She called on the couples to ensure clear rules were set and adhered to. Some of the rules should be based on the expectations that each parent has in that relationship.

"If they have any issues, they should solve them without including the child. The adult conversation should be held in the absence of children," Mungai said.

She said that as much as the calendar will help solve the issue of timing, none of the parents can guarantee who or what the child is exposed to.

"You should have rules on how to parent this child because they will be residing in more than one home. This is essential so that they don’t take something negative and take it to the other home."

She said most of the time, the negative information fed to children is aimed at ruining the reputation of the other person, making the child develop a sense of hatred.

"Some do this due to the selfish spirit of the unknown, which is the thought of your partner doing better because they are no longer with you," she said.

Akothee believes that parents should take care of their children without demanding support if they can afford what is required to make their children live well.

She added that partners should tell their children only good things about their partners and avoid badmouthing them adding that partners should just let their kids find out everything on their own without acting as transmitters.