By Tatiana Saina
Last week, I told you what a chama friend called Sharon was going through. I called her this week to find out what she had decided to do about her mother-in-law’s pressure on her to get another child, preferably a boy. She acknowledged that she had almost resigned to her fate of getting pregnant to save her marriage.
However, before she withdrew her contraception, she decided to consult a marriage counsellor. She had requested her husband to accompany her to the counsellor, but he declined, saying he had made up his mind that he wanted another child.
After a lengthy discussion with the counsellor, Sharon shelved her plans to get another baby. She said the counsellor convinced her that if she succumbed to external pressure (in this case her mother-in-law’s) on such crucial issues, then she should never expect to see the end of her influence on her marriage.
The counsellor advised her to have a serious talk with her husband about who was going to run their family and make decisions for them.
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Sharon took the counsellor’s advice and asked he husband for a weekend getaway where they could analyse the condition of their marriage. Knowing that it would be a major breakthrough, Sharon prayed very hard that her husband would accept to retreat with her, which he did.
The counsellor had told Sharon not to immediately bring up the issue of the baby, but to just allow a time of refreshing and enjoyment. Sharon says that worked magic and by the second day, their marriage was refreshed and their relationship restored.
This allowed them to discuss issues with love and with consideration for each other’s needs and concerns. At the end of the weekend, they had both agreed that they would stick to their earlier agreement of ending it at two children.
Sharon was elated, but she knew another tough battle lay ahead — her mother-in-law. Over the years, Sharon had learnt not to underestimate her mother-in-law’s influence on her husband. They agreed that they were both going to face her and explain their stand.
They planned to go upcountry in the next two weeks to clear things with their mother. In the meantime, she decided to make an effort to mend her relationship with her mother-in-law in preparation for the meeting.
It was a tough call, but Sharon was willing to do anything to save her marriage and she was glad her husband was on her side.
When she had summoned enough courage, she called her. It felt awkward at the beginning, but they soon felt a little comfortable with each other. Sharon even took the opportunity to announce that they would be visiting her in two weeks.
After the call, Sharon was almost certain she had won the battle, and that her mother-in-law had no choice, but to shelf her threats of getting another wife for his son.