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Women want a successful, smart, pleasant, generous and good-looking guy, but your confidence is what will make women comfortable around you, writes Allan Olingo

It’s a shame that most men just can’t approach a woman and confidently strikes a conversation. Yet, on the other hand, they like the idea of approaching women, but once they are there, their hearts race; they become sweaty, and let the chance slip by.

A guy sees a beautiful woman and all of a sudden, his own body language changes. He becomes uncomfortable in his own skin, which instantly is a turn-off for the woman. And if the man decides to approach her, she already has made up her mind about him — he isn’t comfortable in relation to her and that’s what matters to her.

It is said that a confident man carries with him self-assuredness that definitely makes a woman feel sure of him and his abilities. He is in control of his destiny, his future, his career, and to many, this makes him attractive.


According to Dr Gidraph Wairire, a sociologist, it is important for women that a man is confident, and more so, when wooing her, as it shows his authoritative side.

“Women use confidence as an indicator of future relations. She wants to be sure that he will be in charge, proactive and confident. There is nothing more appealing than a person who looks and acts like he knows exactly what he’s doing,” says Dr Wairire.

Confidence creates a good atmosphere and when you feel great about yourself, your woman will also have improved esteem and this will ensure a healthy flow of good feelings between the two of you.

Kevin Kimani, a customer care executive with a leading telecommunications company, says the way women look and carry themselves intimidates some men.

 “It’s almost automatic that when you meet a gorgeous woman, your heart skips a beat and starts racing. You tend to freak out and can’t approach her because of the way she is carrying herself,” says Kimani.

For starters, smiling is the easiest way to build up your confidence when you want to approach women. It is an icebreaker as it helps create a positive mood.

When you smile at a woman you wish to approach, she would most likely smile back at you, and this would ease the tension between the two of you, therefore, putting you at ease.

Psychologist Kennedy Miduwa, notes that most of the times, a woman is looking out for a companion, someone who can pass his self-assuredness on to her with vitality, and the ability of driving her onwards.

Miduwa says: “A man who has confidence is in control, comfortable with himself, and is proud in the choices he makes, and that’s what women are looking out for.”

Dressing also boosts one’s confidence while approaching and talking to a woman.

Dr Wairire adds that dressing is a definite confidence booster as it makes one feel good about themselves.

Self esteem

“Women may or may not be attracted by the way a man has dressed. Those who aren’t attracted by a man’s dressing are drawn by their intellect, wit, charm and physical attributes,” offers Dr Wairire.

Addressing the issues that inhibit that confidence should be the ticket to attracting women.

In his book Confidence With Dating: Dating Bible For The Shy Guy, Marius Panzarella, notes that women are waiting for a charming guy who can give them the feeling of their innermost desires.

Panzarella writes: “Women are dying for a man who is stronger and more powerful, a real man she can admire and love and this leaves no room for a wimp who cannot even have the courage to take charge of himself.”

Most men lack confidence because of low self-esteem, past poor relationships with women, and most of the times, lacking in ability, that is material or intellectual.

Says Dr Wairire: “If it is as a result of low self-esteem, you should work on it. You can do so by reading books that address esteem issues. If it is as a result of poor previous relationships, work through the process and be able to start again.”

However, there are external reasons, like material and intellectual, but on the contrary, there are many men who do not have wealth, but still are very confident, because they are happy with who they are, they understand themselves, reason and understand their circumstances.

According to Dr Wairire, women ought to play a role in helping men build confidence because some of them are self-esteem killers, especially with their outward approach that humbles a man.