The power of words

By Zawadi Lompisha

I received a beautiful poem from a couple that has been gracious enough to read my articles, which began my week on a high. As I say thank you to them for being such an encouragement and making it worth the while to pen to paper each week, I want to share with you some thoughts that were spurred by that poem.

It occurred to me that it takes very little to spur your husband or wife on to good deeds. My husband and I agreed a long time ago that each of us is equally responsible for the success of our marriage.

That means that I do everything in my power to make it work and so should he. I do not do it so that he can tell me "well done". I do it because I know it will boost our relationship. Neither do we take turns to do good, such that, if I do something that I think is positive, I expect him to reciprocate; and if he doesn’t, then I cease trying to do good.

Having said that, it will only take my husband coming to tell me something like, "Zawadi, I felt proud to be your husband today, as we attended that office function. You looked so beautiful; I must have been the envy or every man there," to completely want me to shore up my wardrobe in attempt to make him prouder next time. Imagine what a statement like that will do to my self-esteem and my sense of security.

To take you back a little, my purpose for endeavouring to dress well when my husband and I were attending the function, was to make sure that as his wife, I would adequately represent our family. So hearing such words from him can only encourage me to be even better next time.Wearing the other shoe, I read an interesting article recently where the husband bashed the brand new family vehicle as he was out in town.

Hug of appreciation

He walked into the house looking very embarrassed and dejected and expected a tongue thrashing from his wife, who had earlier told him that she thought he was driving the car a bit too fast. As he explained to her what had happened while he was away, he resigned himself to a tantrum from her.

"Honey, I am sure our local mechanic can easily straighten the bumper, you don’t need to look so depressed," was her gentle response as she placed a comforting hand over him.

The guy, who was penning the article, stated that her response was so on the spot for what he was going through that all he did was look at her with extreme love in his eyes and proceed to give her a giant bear hug of appreciation. His wife must have heard the deep regret in his voice and was wise enough to understand that her choice of words would either be the balm to his wounded ego, or the added insult to injury.

A wise man once said that a word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. An appreciative poem has refreshed my mind and increased my resolve to show that the institution of marriage is worth fighting for. It is possible to be a happy husband and wife in a real thriving and fulfilling relationship.

Many conflicts in marriages can be traced to a word that should not have been said.

Communication experts stress the need to weigh your words before you utter them. If you want to correct your spouse’s untidy behaviour for instance, what’s the best way to say it that will leave him feeling respected and also make your relationship all the richer and not strained?

So what will your words to your spouse be? Golden apples in settings of silver or prickly thorns in settings of red pepper? The choice is yours today.

Related Topics

Marriage Praise