Zuma is to men what Oprah is to women

By Milly G

Is it just me or do all women feel insulted by President Jacob Zuma’s liberal displays of misplaced machismo? The South African leader, now 67, has just had a love child, who brings the total number of his brood to a dizzying 20. The child was born to him and Sonono Khoza, a 39-year-old woman who is not his wife, in October last year.

It was just last month that Zuma treated us to a spectacular African ceremony as he wed for the fifth time, marrying Tobeka Madiba his current third wife.

Of course male columnists like Ted Malanda of Crazy Monday were jubilating on the sidelines and all over the world a testosterone-filled drone was heard from a cheering squad of envious men.

The truth is, polygamy is many a man’s secret fantasy. We have to give it to Zuma for ‘coming out’, never mind that it goes downhill from here, with more and more women and children.

And just as Zuma is the ‘model man’, Oprah is every woman’s dream — and she irritates men in equal measure. Tony M, who confessed that he speaks for the bush (which is where all men want to remain) will do well to realise that much as women today need men, they are very wary of them with egos blown out of proportion that their women become psychological punching bags.

I can’t tell you how many times I meet friends whose clocks have ticked to a halt and who have been bitten by the motherhood bug and they say: "Milly, I want a husband. I need to start a family." Then, only three months later after scanning a few couples, they see marriage as a life sentence: "I’m not sure about this marriage thing, Milly. Where do women scrape these men from? The bottom of their heels? I don’t want to be miserable for life."

Oprah has it all

Oprah: She is rich, powerful, balanced and — this is the best part — takes no nonsense from men. She has a steady boyfriend for life and gets the best of both worlds — a loving relationship and a successful career — without the headache of having to ‘bring up’ a grown man. The only thing missing from her picture–perfect life is a baby and that, not even her money could buy.

Marriage today has to be a partnership or it will not work. It is no longer a relationship between a man and his junior or a woman and her guardian. The rules have changed, and so should men. In modern day parlance, women can hold their own, so ‘Recognise!’

So as men cling to the past, women are running away from it. It only makes sense that each wants their freedom and a sense of control. And women get it by being single while men get it by marrying.

Call me a deserter of African traditions, but polygamy is to me the most ridiculous rediscovery of our time. And what’s worse, this fish is rotting from the head, with the likes of Zuma setting the bad example.

That men are born polygamous is a fallacy. Polygamy only happens in societies where women are daft enough to sit back and wait for men to control the purse strings and thus wield the power. It’s simply men making a show of control and false bravado.

As long as women have less money and less opportunities than men, marriage will be about control — men in charge of women. But when women get their own money, marriage becomes about love and respect.

Read through Proverbs 31, and tell me how many women ‘the model woman’ had to share her man with. How many of her husband’s wild oats did she have to tend?

If you want a beautiful, hard working and supportive wife who will make you proud, don’t subject her to mentoring a second wife or dealing with the shock of hearing about your love children on the grapevine. Otherwise, expect nothing less than trouble.