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The allure of a mysterious man

By | August 1st 2009

By Milly G

When John Allan Namu announced to the world that he was dedicating his recent CNN Journalist of the Year Award to his girlfriend and unborn child, so many girls went "Oh Nooooo!". That is yet another good man fallen off the singlehood bandwagon. And his girlfriend is definitely the envy of many, because Namu is a good catch, and not just for his fine set of shoulders, polished accent and a nose for a good story. He also keeps his private life to himself.

Namu is one of the few guys left of his kind; guys who keep girls guessing. "How can such a sizzling guy be single? And how can he be so clueless that he’s so hot?" Girls wonder. Well, I don’t think Namu is a nice guy with a halo.

Methinks he is just good at playing the game. That innocent face and that sweet modesty is just the right formula for fatal attraction, especially because the shy guy mien it is coupled with a thriving career. Namu knows the secret: chase the dream, you get the girls; chase the girls and you lose both. He does not invest much of his energy in trying to impress the groupies or be a magnet for the paparazzi. And we love Namu because we can’t figure him out.

Most men today reek of insecurity; they will do anything for a lady’s vote of confidence. It seems that men think that the more you give a woman, the more she gives back. But that’s okay if you’re tithing, not when in a romantic relationship, and especially not at the beginning. It’s always good to be economical with the compliments, the attention, the details, phone calls, love and your time. Here are some tips to help the guys who want the girls to take them seriously.

Don’t be desperate for approval: I like big, strong guys. That’s my preference. But I have been totally knocked off my feet by a lanky fellow who did not care to fit the bill. He was confident and that made him attractive. I knew that if I turned him down, it would be my loss. I have also been dumbstruck by a guy who spoke in a shrill soprano, never mind that I had sworn to myself that it’s a sexy baritone or nothing.

What I’m saying is, so what if you are short? You don’t have to suffer from Short Man’s Syndrome (SMS). Just be confident enough to even laugh at yourself and make jokes about your deficiency.

What to tell

Be economical with the details: Of course the most enjoyable part of a relationship is getting to know each other. It is natural to tell the girl stuff about yourself; your childhood, your family, your job, your plans for the future. But its not cool to load a girl with sheets upon sheets of your life history at the first meeting, like a paranoid lawyer hoping for a favourable judgement. We girls badger you and ask questions, but it is always good to let her fix the puzzle for longer. Makes for an exciting adventure. The best way to do it is not to make her feel that you are not keeping anything from her; just make her agree that it does not matter.

Have some rules in your life: I’m not asking you to be rigid, selfish or chauvinistic. But it helps to have rules that you won’t break, not even for the girl you love. My beau, for example, does not drop my friends home after an evening out. That’s a rule he set at the beginning, and it’s good to know that much as he loves me, he will not risk getting mugged by Mungiki in Dandora just to drop a pal home. "Jipange" he says, and my friends who live far off the town and don’t drive have had to.

Be otherwise occupied: We all get irritated when we get that ‘mteja hapatikani’ message, but that goes for our best friends and our mothers, not those handsome guys who hunt us down.

When a girl realises that you are busy (and, for heaven’s sake don’t divulge your to do list for the day), she knows that there’s something else that matters to you. She is not tasked with the difficult job of occupying you 24/7, so you don’t overwhelm her. Also girls like a little competition, and because we don’t want to compete with that bootylicious workmate of yours, we are comfortable trying to get you to come home from work. Why would a girl buy inviting lingerie if you don’t need any prompting? How can she miss you if you won’t go away?

We girls like to distract men; it makes us feel good that we caught their attention. So be a busy body. Better still, be busy, because that means there is a cheque at the end of the month. And we love to spend.

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