Like any other profession, marriage counselling in Kenya is not immune to rogue elements.
Beyond the credentials and carefully curated smiles lie a spectrum of personalities—some committed to healing broken unions, others merely exploiting the vulnerable. From the pious, in public, but chaotic in private, here are 10 types of marriage counsellors you’re likely to encounter in Kenya.
1. The hypocrite
She’ll instruct you, in great detail, on how to care for your husband and maintain harmony in your home. She’ll insist you speak softly to your husband, take off his shoes when he returns from work, and wash his feet with warm water. But drop by her house unannounced, and you’ll find her doing the complete opposite. Her sermons on submission are hollow—delivered with conviction, but not conviction lived.
2. Team mafisi
He identifies emotional vulnerability like a shark scents blood. When a distraught woman seeks help, he pounces. Behind closed doors, he turns from counsellor to predator, seducing clients and engaging in clandestine affairs, sometimes even eloping with them. For him, the counselling couch is a hunting ground.
3. The quack
He parades as a seasoned expert, but has never stepped foot in a counselling class. His advice is half-baked, lacking psychological grounding or professional nuance. Couples who entrust him with their issues often leave worse off—relationships strained further by misguided counsel and empty affirmations
4. The senior bachelorette
She’s approaching menopause, radiates authority, and dishes out sterling relationship advice that makes her sound like the paragon of marital bliss. But beneath the veneer lies a lonely truth: she’s never successfully attracted or retained a partner.
5. The perennial divorcee
When it comes to salvaging other people’s marriages, she’s exceptional. But in her own life, love has been elusive. Seven marriages—all ending in bitter divorces. If bad luck in love were a profession, she’d have tenure. Her expertise is born not from training, but from a series of personal misfortunes. Hana nyota ya ndoa.
6. The money-minded one
For her, the session begins and ends with an M-Pesa message. Whether or not your marriage survives is of no consequence. She delivers quick, generic counsel, watches the clock, and shows you the door. Follow-up? None. Emotional investment? Zero. The only metric that matters is payment received.
7. The doom counsellor
Her advice is simple and swift: Leave him. To her, every marital challenge is grounds for immediate separation. Disagreements? Deal-breakers. Miscommunication? Irredeemable. She recounts horror stories of failed marriages as if to validate her own cynicism, offering no room for reconciliation or growth.
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8. The ChatGPT Master
Nothing he says is original. Upon hearing your problem, he politely excuses himself, retreats to a corner, and consults google and ChatGPT on his phone. His sessions are essentially regurgitated internet advice—soulless, impersonal, and largely disconnected from the emotional gravity of real relationships.
9. The hobbyist
This is not his main job, he does it as a side hustle or hobby. He might be a teacher, banker, or business person who juggles as a marriage counselor during his free time. He’s passionate and often well-meaning, and may or may not charge for his services. Still, his lack of formal training can render his advice inconsistent and occasionally misguided.
10. The professional
She is everything a marriage counsellor should be—trained, ethical, empathetic. She sets clear boundaries and follows up with clients to ensure progress. Even when clients attempt to cross professional lines, she remains composed and principled. Her work is guided by research, experience, and a genuine desire to restore broken homes.