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Girl code: Husband, you don’t have to eat at home

Living
 If you get home claiming you are full, your wife will throw tantrums (Photo: Shutterstock)

You know, sometimes I look at men and pity them. I mean, married men. Some of the ‘rules’ they have to put up with are out of this world. If I were a married man, I am sure my wife would have written a book about my flaws, starting with how I eat at home.

Dear married women, do your husbands have to eat your food once he gets back home regardless of whether he has eaten out already? You know, for the few years I was somebody’s wife, I used to eat my dinner as soon as I finished preparing it.

I once waited for him and ended up having my dinner past midnight. From then on, I vowed to have my dinner whenever I felt I was ready to. In fact, there are those days when I would cross my fingers, hoping he would call and tell me not to include him while preparing dinner as he was eating out. Those are the days I would just munch on some snack and sleep.

I have seen men who have been subjected to eating in their homes whether or not they were hungry. I mean, why would I get home from an evening out with friends in a restaurant then again eat once I get home? I swear if I were a man, I would call this torture. Can you imagine eating, not because you are hungry, but because tradition dictates that you must eat your wife’s food!

It’s even worse when you are from munching grilled chicken dipped in barbecue sauce with ugali and washed down with cold freshly squeezed passion fruit juice.

Then you have to get home and eat a plate full of steamed cabbage with brown ugali then wash it down with a blended spinach smoothie! Needless to say these meals are like 45 minutes apart!

I am not saying the latter is not sweet. If anything, it is very healthy but why 45 minutes later?

If you get home claiming you are full, your wife will throw tantrums and deny you even the food she was born with. So men end up overfeeding due to some traditions.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind if my man came back home and said he was full and would not eat my food. After all, isn’t that his stomach? Whether he is from feeding on fried termites or a steamed eagle, that’s the least of my worries. As long as he isn’t going to bed hungry.

I have seen men serving very small portions during dinner meetings or not eating at all because they are afraid their wives will create a mountain out of it.

Dear wives, maybe we should reconsider forcing our men to eat once they get back home. Let them have the freedom of deciding on whether or not to eat. You can imagine having to eat twice within the span of one hour!

No wonder our men stopped going for marathons and resorted to relays. He will start the race but will hand you the baton to finish it for him. All this because by the time the race starts, their bellies are stiffer than a soap that has been left in the sun on top of an iron sheet roofing. They start like cougars but finish like chameleons that are fasting. This race is better off run to the end together. Pass me no baton!

To my future husband, I really don’t mind where you have your dinner or what you eat as long as you are not feeding on poison.

You don’t have to come back home at 11pm to eat my food to prove any point. If anything, those who eat to prove a point just nibble on a whole ugali like a rat then drink water and sleep as though they are from digging up a pit latrine single-handedly.

My future husband, take your time, baby, eat only when you have to. In case you think you will be full by the time you get home, text me in advance so that I don’t employ my downloaded culinary skills in vain.

If possible, pack me a portion of what you are eating out there. We are finishing that food together! 

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Do you sleep with the door open or closed?

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