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What to do when you discover you are no longer in love with your spouse
By Dayan Masinde | Updated Oct 16, 2019 at 12:01 EAT
what-to-do-when-you-discover-you-are-no-longer-in-love-with-your-spouse
A couple talking (Photo/Courtesy)
SUMMARY

If you are falling out of love because your partner/spouse is confronting you about your bad behaviour, maybe you are the problem.

Your partner/spouse wants the best for you and is pushing you to be better but you are OK with mediocrity.

It happens, sometimes people fall out of love. So what to do you when you realize you are no longer in love with the one you are with?

1. Ask yourself if you loved the person in the first place

Were you manipulated into the relationship/marriage? Did you get in because of money, looks, social status? If your motive was shallow, you were bound to fall out of love.

2. Separate your emotions from truth

You will not always "feel" love. Love is more than feelings; love is a willing commitment. Love has ups and downs, passionate days and sometimes low days. Do not base your decisions on emotions. What is the truth? Are you good for each other?

3. Ask yourself if you have a pattern of quitting

Do you run away too quickly in relationships? Do you end things too easily when things get tough? Do you fall short at being consistent? Do you struggle to keep friendships and connections? Are you irrational and disloyal and does this pattern help you or harm you? Watch out if you have this destructive habit of building then destroying.

4. Ask yourself if you are running away because you don't want confrontation

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If you are falling out of love because your partner/spouse is confronting you about your bad behaviour, maybe you are the problem. Your partner/spouse wants the best for you and is pushing you to be better but you are OK with mediocrity. A good relationship/marriage is one that challenges you. If you run away from such, maybe you don't want growth.

5. Find out if you played a role in the deterioration of the love

If you are falling out of love, ask yourself if the deterioration is due to issues you have brought into the relationship/marriage. Have you pushed your partner/spouse away? Have you become selfish? Have you become argumentative and unforgiving? Maybe the solution is for you to solve issues as opposed to quitting.

6. End things as opposed to cheating

If you are truly done then end things and start a new relationship as opposed to cheating. Your partner/spouse would prefer getting hurt by a break up/divorce and move on as opposed to being led on by you and find out you are cheating.

7. Ask yourself if you want to end things because you are distracted

If you are falling out of love, let it be based on real reasons as to why the love itself is not sustainable, not because you are being distracted by someone new. A new connection is exciting and will not make you objective and soon, a new connection will be an old connection, will you quit on it too?

8. Ask yourself if you will regret losing the one you are with

You might be behaving like you are cool right now with the relationship/marriage crumbling, but ask yourself, months/years from now, will you regret losing him/her? Will you ever find someone who has loved you the way the one you are with has? Will you find someone who can put up with you, stand by you and who has shown dedication like the one you are with has? A wise person doesn't wait to lose a good love to realize how good he/she had it.

© Dayan Masinde

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I demistify what being a man is and I address the man's sexuality, his faith, emotions, relations, thoughts, struggles and needs.

In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I talk how a woman can be the best her as an individual, a wife, a mother and a friend. I also address her needs and sexuality.

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

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