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Confessions: I love a girl but don’t have the courage to tell her

Living

I am attracted to a colleague but I don’t have the courage to tell her. I try and do nice things for her hoping she will notice my intentions. I bought her a wrist watch on her birthday and this brought her closer. She is very pretty and I know a few guys are after her. I need to tell her what I feel but worried of her reaction. Please advise me...

{Enock}

Simon Says,

Enock, you are on the right track and are making significant progress only that the progress is slow and somewhat in the wrong direction. It is common to get attracted to a colleague but there are risks involved in such relationships. We shall address your issue from two angles after which you may consider your next causes of action.

First let us go through issues of dating a colleague and by colleague we mean a person with whom you share a workplace. This is by far the most complicated relationship you will ever get into and nothing good can possibly come from this. First, even if you were to succeed, it will only put a wedge between you and your male colleagues - not necessarily because they are interested in her but because they don’t want to be seen to be intruding in your space. So all over sudden they have to be careful what to say, how to conduct themselves whenever you are present among other things and it just complicates issues.

I will then tell you why you may be heading in the wrong direction with the things you are doing. By doing good things to a lady and then you cross your fingers and hope that she will notice through divine intervention is just like winking to a lady in the dark - the only person that knows you are doing that is you. If you are interested in someone, go out and tell her as much – stop buying expensive wrist watches and wishing on Santa clause to smile his luck on you. The other thing I have observed is that you are a very nice and polite gentleman, which is a good thing but not necessarily in the dating scene. Nice guys actually either finish last or do not finish at all. She has probably noticed that you are interested in her but she can smell your fear and intimidation from a mile away. Women are never attracted to men who carry fear in their pockets, they want a man who can take risks and deal with the outcome. This is why all the good girls end up with bad boys because well they do what they have to do and don’t care about the outcome.

But be aware that workplace relationships only expose you to many risks and are always difficult to manage.

 {Simon is a relationships counsellor}

Boke says,

Many workplaces have policies that are against romantic relationships among colleagues and therefore it is important to find out what yours states. If the policy  does not allow these kind of relationships, then you have to make a decision for one of you to leave the organisation, that is if she agrees to be in a relationship with you.

Secondly, the fact that there are men around her should be viewed objectively. These men could just be colleagues or acquaintances. Otherwise you would not be showing interest if there was evidence of a questionable character on the girl. So this could be a skewed view originating from your own feelings of inadequacies.

As for her beauty, I thought that would be a plus, because we all would love to have an attractive spouse, at least in our own eyes. Physical appearance have nothing to do with an individual’s character. We have beauty queens with excellent characters and we also have those who may never get a beauty title having a terrible reputation.

Why do you feel that you do not match her beauty? If you perceive yourself to be an unfit match then you cannot have a healthy relationship with her or anyone else. Find out what is eating away your sense of self value. Deal with the root cause of your insecurities and you will be a better person to yourself, partner and others. You can get a counsellor to walk you through this.

Otherwise you should confidently let the girl know what you feel for her and let her freely make a decision. If she agrees, good for you and if not gladly move on.

 

 Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology

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