What a better way to show a willingness to work on issues than to go out and talk about things
It is unfair to accuse her falsely just because you have fear stemming out of your insecurities
1. Do not be chauvinistic
Some males have this idea that they are always right by the mere virtue of their gender. Men can be wrong too. Women love it when their opinion and input is valued.
2. Do not be condescending
In most relationships the male is older, you do not have to speak to her like she knows nothing, she responds well when you treat her as your equal as far as decisions are concerned.
3. Do not bark orders
When a talk is needed, the last thing any woman would want is to be shouted at.
4. Be available
Some men avoid deep conversations. They would rather read the Newspaper, watch the News or go out with their mates for a drink. They will do everything to avoid talking. Please make avail yourself and be present in mind when solutions need to be discussed.
5. Be attentive
Women love to feel heard. We know when you are not listening but just saying "Yes honey" so that we can finish what it is we are saying. Turn your mobile and TV off. Listen and come up with solutions together.
6. Accept correction
This won't take anything from your manhood or authority as the head of the home. No human can be right 100% all of the time. If you are WRONG and insist on it, the atmosphere of the relationship remains cold.
7. Take her out on a date
What a better way to show a willingness to work on issues than to go out and talk about things. Dates have a way of making everything appear less weighty. A difference in scenery from the home may also help matters.
8. Lead from the front
As the head of the home, don’t leave matters to fester. Lead your home in a loving and peaceful manner.
9. Affirm your love for her even as you bring a matter to her attention
When you want to let her know there is something you are uncomfortable with, affirm your love by saying something like "Honey you know I love you and I always will, though I need you to know that when you do this and that it hurts me".
10. Don't use her past against her
"No wonder your ex left you!", "No wonder you can never have a child!", "No wonder you keep failing!"... Don't use as ammunition sensitive information she shared with you. You are meant to protect her not turn against her.
11. Don't make threats
"Get out of my house!"... Don't make threats that suggest you can easily abandon her. Don't use words like "My house, my children, my money" to try and scare her into thinking that you have power over her. Don't engage in this blackmail and scare tactic to force her to do things your way. Once you show a woman that she is not secure and safe with you she will withdraw.
12. Don't let your insecurities jump into conclusion
It is unfair to accuse her falsely just because you have fear stemming out of your insecurities. Your fear will push her away, stop expecting the worst from her.
13. Touch her
Touch her, hug her, hold her; sometimes that is all she needs to feel safe and understood. Communicate warmth and love even without using words.
14. Attend to her emotions.
Hear her out, allow her to vent and cry without calling her petty. We are emotional beings. Let her feel heard and understood. If she says she feels hurt, don't tell her she shouldn't feel hurt. Acknowledge her feelings. When a woman's emotions are not being attended to, she checks out
15. Choose to respond, not to react.
If she says or does something that doesn't sit right with you, don't react to it with outburst, rage, irrational words or negative vibe. Choose to respond back with a measured approach. Don't escalate the tensions. Be the steady hand that calms down issues.
© Akello Oliech & Dayan Masinde
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