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The measure of manhood
By Clifford Ogutu | Updated May 02, 2018 at 11:13 EAT
The society expects a lot for a man
  • The society has placed a certain weight of expectation on the shoulders of every male being
  • This whole society expectation has led to broken up men. Men who do not know themselves anymore

I love minding my business so much. While at it, I tend to be very quiet. Wait a minute, does that still make me a person who minds my own business?

Well, last week while having coffee in town in the evening two funny looking ladies walked in and sat at the opposite table. One was clad in a dark short dress that started too late and ended too early. The sight of her dress reminded me of something a friend of mine once told me. He said that a good sermon should be like a woman’s dress. Not too long and not too short. It should be just long enough to arouse curiosity. Hers had killed curiosity.

Her friend, on the other hand, was wearing a dark shade of exhaustion under her eyes. They were screaming tiredness and lack of enough sleep. Her nails had seen better days. They were somehow chipped on both hands. Life had somehow humbled her from the look of things.

I could not help eavesdropping on the conversation the two ladies since they were talking loudly. One thing caught my attention though. “A real man is supposed to have made it by the time they hit twenty-five years old. A good job, his own house and a nice car.” “I do not want broke ass men. I have no time for such.” The other one interjected. I chuckled and walked away in silence since I was done with my coffee. The world is indeed full of idiots who are strategically spread so that you can meet one per day, sadly I met two on that very day.

I was so surprised that people who are not men, were shamelessly setting standards on who a ‘real’ man is supposed to be. By the fact that someone is born male he is a man already. At twenty-something years most young men are trying to figure out this thing called life.

They are not stable and will do anything within their powers to make ends meet. Most are wandering and trying to figure out how to navigate life. It doesn’t mean that they are lost or having no purpose or priorities in life. It is a self-discovery stage. It is the time to explore and try out stuff. It is just a phase that every young man must pass through.

The society has placed a certain weight of expectation on the shoulders of every male being. From birth, when a boy child is born, they are expected to behave in a certain way. They are taught to be very aggressive, dominating and controlling. They grow up knowing that in order to be accepted as a man they must behave in a manner which is manly. They are taught to win no matter what. They are not supposed to show their emotions, crying in front of others is a No! No! No! They are supposed to drain it all in and cry from the inside. Absurd, Right?

This whole society expectation has led to broken up men. Men who do not know themselves anymore. Men who lack self-esteem, men who put too much pressure on themselves so that they do not let down the ‘society’. If they fail to achieve these expectations, they see themselves as failures. No wonder the society is full of so many violent men.

The number of young people who are so bitter with life has drastically increased. They are too young to be this unhappy with life. I admit that life can get confusing, stupid and annoying. The key is just pushing it. Focus on you, and what makes you feel good.

There is nothing like a true man. Work on yourself as a man. Improve yourself daily. Read a book, invest in yourself, do the things that make you happy, love God, pursue inner peace, go for trips, cook, watch the sunrise, chase sunsets, hang out with people, who make you happy. Just be you. Work on yourself in the ways only you know how. Let nobody define who you should be as a man. Do not be too hard on yourself, it is never that serious.

Ladies, there is nothing like a ready-made man specifically made for you. Grow with men who have their priorities and goals right. They have the potential to be great in the near future.

Everyone grows at their own pace. Some crawl, some walk in baby steps, some run while others literally fly. What matters is that they are moving forward and making growth in their own lives in the little way they can at that very moment. Instead of shaming men and putting too much expectation on them, how about standing by them and encouraging them.

Just appreciate them and let them know that you love them for who they are. No one chooses to be jobless and broke. It is very wrong to call people names when the sun is shining on your side of life. Young Man, be whatever you are right now, do not be ashamed of your current situation, nothing lasts forever. It shall all come to pass, and you will prosper.

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