Why Politicians make good husbands.
By Agnes Sikuku
| January 10th 2017
We condemn politicians for being corrupt, greedy and bad leaders; we hail them for being good husbands. They protect their families with the fierceness of a lioness.
Contrary to popular belief that they are polygamist, I thinks they make the best husbands. Here are the reasons why you should not hesitate to marry one.
1. If the wheels of political fortune turn in favor of your husband and he wins the presidency, Voila!you become the first lady.
2. You will forever buy your groceries in the supermarket.Poverty and you will be strange bedfellows. Not once in your life will you be seen in the market where treacherous mama mbogas add you a rotten tomato.
3. Since your politician husband will be busy loitering around the country with the intent to deceive voters, you will have sufficient time to gossip and watch all the soaps.
4. If you stop working to support your husband's career(how annoying)you won't live in abject poverty.He will give you part of the money he has looted from the public to open up a business.You can also help in his large scale farming on a huge track of land he grabbed sometime back.
5. In the unfortunate event that he kicks the bucket, worry not about his many wives or mistresses.One of his politician friends will fight your battle.They will all say you were the only wife and they don't know who your co-wife or his mistresses are.
6. Your children will go to school in the best schools.At just six years your kids will be speaking impeccable English that even a fourth-year student in a public university can't comprehend.When they grow up, they will go to overseas for university education and live there.You will never lack airtime or ticket fare to be in touch with them.
7. You will never shop for clothes in Isili, open air markets or in boutiques that stock fake clothes.Your shopping will be in Paris, London or Dubai.Of course, you will have to pretend that you are simple and moderate like the rest.We all understand, it's called "kuficha white".
8. You can easily be a fashion icon.Look at Michelle Obama, our first lady and the first lady of Morocco.All you have to do is have amazing hairstyles, clothes, and handbags that are out of this world.The cameras will always be rolling when you are hand in hand with mzee.
9. Your chances of being divorced will be very slim like chances of your hubby being honest.Since he can't thrive in a scandal, he will be on his knees to have you stay.He will moderate his shit so that you don't serve him with divorce papers.
10. Your title will be "Bibi ya mheshimiwa".As we can all see this is prestigious.It's only rivaled by bibi ya mwanajeshi.
11. Since they want to show people that they hold family values highly, you will forever accompany him to political rallies.We all know how this kills the spirit of side dishes.
12. Your girlfriends and chama women will be equally politician's wives.You will not be stuck with D-class wives who are stressed, irritable and very bitter with life due to hard economic times.
13. Your past mistakes will be forgiven and forgotten easily. You will easily gain respect from people courtesy of being married to a politician.Look no further than Mellania Trump.She's the first lady and her nudes have been forgiven.
14. Just by virtue of being a politician's wife, your friends will be uncountable like the stars in the sky.Let me not mention how they will shower you with gifts just to win your coveted friendship.
15. Politicians are generous spouses.They will not hesitate to buy their wives a big expensive car.Not like how some husbands have cars but can't buy their wives one.Others buy for mama watoto ka-vitz for dropping kids to school and buying groceries.
16. Most politicians are proud of their families. They don't hesitate to introduce their family.When on holiday at the expense of the tax payers money, they will take many photographs of their beloved families.
17. Politicians are providers and their families lack for nothing. If that was not true, then parliament proceedings could be disrupted by angry wives demanding for providence.
18. Since politician's enemies are countless(both real and imagined)they ensure that their families are guarded at all times.Their family will forever be fortified and safe from intruders.
19. You will automatically become the chair lady of all chamas you will join.Mama maendeleo will be your new title.Your good husband will solicit funds from donors who need a political favor from him.
20. Even if you dropped out of school in form two after getting paged three times, you will automatically get membership in exclusive clubs.Your task will just be playing an air head next to your politician husband.
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