Why there's no such thing as a perfect relationship

By John Kalya | Thursday, May 28th 2020 at 09:13
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I am not saying a man/woman can’t try. I am not saying that we should settle for less. I am not saying we don’t deserve the best. Perfection, after all, is what we are all looking for. The intricacies of relationships are a wide purview of introspection. It is in relationships that we define ourselves. What turns you off? What makes you smile? What is your breakpoint? When do you say enough is enough? How do you know he is the one? Reciprocity is the lifeline of every relationship. Someone said: there is nothing like unconditional love- I agree. Unless you are masochistic (not really in that way), but unless you enjoy pain, your level of affection towards your significant other is largely determined by how far they are willing to go.

All fairy tales have defining moments when the soft lips are about to the touch the slimy and ugly frog when the golden coach turns into a pumpkin and the stallions into measly mice. However, the untold story of happily-ever-after is a mundane mystery. I love how C.S. Lewis in The Chronicles of Narnia, where the Prince Caspian lives a fairly normal life with his wife the happily-ever-after, fighting, making-up, and fighting again-normal. Perfect partners are all we ever imagined. Tall, dark, handsome, caring, loving, funny, or beautiful, caring, understanding, respectful, curvaceous – or whatever you fancy. Additionally, they understand us and fulfill every economic, social, emotional, and spiritual need we have.

Ladies, the man comes home on time, never drinks, never cheat, never flirts, cleans after himself, remembers everything (birthdays, anniversaries et al.), cooks for you, buys flowers-occasionally, and will always be there for you. They may do all these things but not always. Sometimes he will leave the wet towel on your duvet, or forget to put the socks in the washing basket. Right? No? How do you live with such a man? With such a “clean” record, you will be held to a higher bar. You won’t afford to let one hair strand fall out of place. The call for perfection two-way traffic and the compromises in-between are thoroughly negotiated that they- at best- produce a cosmetic relationship. Although there are few principles that should guide the normal decency of any relationship, compromise is an active and perpetual ingredient in perfect relationships (pun intended).

The truth is: when two individuals from different worlds and backgrounds decide to come together- it is work. The work of shaping each other necessitates confessions, revelations, acceptance, confrontation, and compromise. It looks ugly, but it’s real, and it will be beautiful as time waxes. When one or both individuals are struggling to live up to preconceived expectations orchestrated by the other or both, it ceases to be a relationship; it becomes contract- hypocrisy. Therefore, perfect calls for perfect, but the stakes are high.

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