Dear men, what if she says 'no' to your marriage proposal?

By Maritim Edna | Friday, Mar 6th 2020 at 10:01
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There has been a video trending of a young couple about their late twenties where the lady declined the gentleman’s marriage proposal in front of everybody, and he resulted to taking off her shoes and packing the food they were eating together in a plastic bag. It turns out he was not so gentlemanly after all; some may argue that it was the only way he could express himself after investing in someone. But the fate of their relationship was sealed, no further explanation was needed there.

The man’s reaction in the video got me thinking, should the relationship end if she says no? I believe a healthy and functional relationship should have goals and objectives, and one of the end goals should be marriage, and if not, then why be in a relationship in the first place?

I went around my campus and asked my peers why they’d think if a lady would say no to a marriage proposal and these were some of their thoughts. She could believe that the two of you are not at that point yet, and she is not ready to take the relationship to the next level. Maybe both of you had not discussed marriage earlier, and this came as a shock for her. She probably thinks that both of you do not know each other that much and would love to get to know you more before making a serious commitment. A lady also added, “Maybe the both of you were just on and off, and you popped the question when the relationship was on the off part of the coin.”

But whatever the reason for her saying no was, the feeling of being hurt, embarrassed, and disappointed is the same despite the legitimacy of the reason. So what do you think is the way forward for a man in such a situation? Should the relationship continue? If it does, will it withstand this trying moment?

Many men might conclude that she did not love them and was probably there for whatever benefits she was getting from them, having in mind that he had invested so much time, finances, and emotions. They would get frustrated and feel betrayed because he thought the exchange or returns for his investment would be a lifetime commitment from the lady represented by accepting the ring. The lady did not believe this is the case, though, maybe not yet.

I think the relationship should continue depending on its previous state, having weighed her reasons and taking alone time to figure out what everyone wants because both of you are not on the same page, at least not now. You will need to go back to the drawing board together, to work through it and understand what this meant to the relationship and how it impacts it.

The man should remain open-minded and should not be afraid to be vulnerable in her presence to facilitate smooth communication of emotions and, most importantly, emotional comprehension.

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