Today morning, a discussion ensued about a certain lady who, after ten years, regrets being married to her husband, citing irresponsibility and other vices that drive someone over the edge. Several callers came trickling down all lamenting and the same thing.
While I sympathize with anyone having to endure 'hardships' in marriage, some of those 'hardships' are a result of one's own 'shopping' habits. We all want stable, happy, and healthy marriages, but the question is, what efforts do we employ from the time of inception (dating) all through to marriage?
Today's dating scene has been turned into a business transaction; I often joke with my friends that today you have to pay a 'registration fee' in order to start a relationship. Subsequently, you have to keep paying a 'monthly subscription fee' commonly referred to as 'maintenance fee,' which, if foregone or unpaid, your package is cancelled without notice, and they move on to the next financially flexible investor/subscriber.
Unfortunately, this works to the disadvantage of women since the lure of money, and the promise of a good life has gotten them trapped with wrong men who later on reveal their true colors.
Don't get me wrong; money is good. It makes it possible to afford some nice things and to pleasure oneself and others. It's also important in the running of the relationship, but it shouldn't be the only qualification criteria to assess the suitability of a candidate.
Simple dating activities and practices have long been forgotten with each generation forging their own rules, expectations hence thereby setting themselves up for premium heartache and disappointment.
The current spousal differences being played out in the open, the fighting, killings, divorces, etc. can all be traced to the key characteristics overlooked during the inception and all through the relationship. Phrases such as 'I can change him/her; he/she will change once we get married or have kids ought to be done away with as it's the grand stage for premium tears.
Let us exercise care and caution and also wisdom when looking for a partner. Being honest with yourself and separating fantasy and reality is a skill we all need to learn. All in all, contrary to the narrative being peddled out there, marriage works. The only question you need to ask yourself is, 'how far am I willing to go to make it work?'.
To avoid the feeling of broken promises and regrets, let's exercise honesty within ourselves. Learn to manage our expectations and approach life from a realistic perspective.