How I almost met my wife

By John Hempstone | Wednesday, Feb 5th 2020 at 13:12
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Last week I went to an Mpesa shop. Two ladies were ahead of me in the queue. One caught my eye, she was pretty, with a nicely undulating behind and a sexy, husky voice. Her black skirt did well to cover the essentials, but you could clearly see her toned, brown sporty legs were quite a sight to behold.

She was chit-chatting with her friend as they withdrew money, but I guess/imagined she noticed me too. No sooner did our physical eyes meet than my inner, spiritual eyes were opened. Boychild, you've been praying for a wife. The scriptures say ask, it shall be given unto thee. Knock, and the doors shall be opened. Could this be her? Isn't it also written that fortune favours the bold?

I had to make a move! My heart was now beating furiously upon the fragile ribs upon which it's caged. And as if the heavens were completely on my side, her friend excused herself and left. My new wife to be was left alone. Soon, she collected her money, and it was my turn to be served. To withdraw or to follow her?

Kumbuka dame akienda I may never see her again, while Mpesa naweza rudi kutoa. So I let her walk a few steps, then followed her. "Customer kwani umeenda?" asked the surprised Mpesa girl. Me; Aaaaaah, pole sana, nimesahau ID...acha nikimbie home nikam!"

It was almost 9 pm, and my wife to be was walking fast, but I was narrowing the gap. My first pick up line? To compliment her pretty looks or her curvy hips? Or to tell her, "Honey, I love your walking style....it reminds me of a jovial Secretary bird walking majestically in the lush grasslands of the Mara ecosystem." Aaargh...take it easy, Boychild, I told myself. Finally, I opted to play safe, salamu tu!

Me; Hi Madam! Her; "Haaaeeee" Gosh, that sexy feminine voice almost gave me a boner. My heart danced with excitement. Huyu akiinigia box namuoa mbio kabla hata BBI report is made public to ordinary mwananchi.

Yet, even the best-laid plans of men and mice often go astray! Ahead of us was a lone figure standing next to an electricity pole. An adult male. "Hey, umekaa sana...karibu me niendange home." Her: "Aki pole babe, huyo dame wa Mpesa ako slow, ni yeye ameniweka." Nkt Kumbe ni bibi na bwana, hubby was waiting for her waendanishe home!

Sema kuwa disappointed and embarrassed! Plus mimi natoshana na Joshua Arap Sang and Jamaa ni mrefu sana. 

I had to walk very fast, and with a sense of purpose lest the guy thinks I had other intentions.

After a few minutes, I slithered back to the Mpesa shop, holding my ID kwa mkono. Kufika, Mpesa ishafungwa. Na hapo ndio supper ilikuwa and fare ya job kesho. I thought of where the next nearest Mpesa shop is, and its past 9 pm. Nikasema afadhali nilale njaa.

Why is it that all the good ones are taken? Yaani mimi nalala bila kukula...and kuna jamaa anakula supper, kisha akule mpishi? Oh, then I remembered something my dad once told me. 'Son, love is like a butterfly. You chase it, it'll fly away. You sit down still....it'll come and perch on your lap.'

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