What to do when you feel like you married the wrong person

By Dayan Masinde | Wednesday, Jan 22nd 2020 at 10:00
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1. Take your time before coming to a conclusion

Don't be quick to throw away your marriage. Take some time to interrogate the feeling.

2. Check if you are entertaining a distraction Check if there is someone new making you compare your spouse and them. Remember that someone new is always thrilling, shining and attractive. Your spouse was once someone new.

3. Know that feelings are fickle Don't always rely on feelings. Feelings change and are fluid. Marriage and love is not a feeling but a commitment.

4. Know that many people in marriage have felt the way you do Know that for many couples they have been at the feeling where you are especially when the commitment is demanding and frustrating. It is just a season, it will pass.

5. Check if you two built on the right foundation and motive Maybe you married for the wrong reasons; for money, for children, for social status, to win over someone who was admired by others. Now that you got what you wanted, you have lost interest. If this is the case, then do not make a selfish move by hurting the one you led on and the children you both love. Learn to love the person, if need be, seek counselling.

6. Take responsibility for your choice No one forced you to marry, step up and honour your decision. Don't turn yourself into a double minded adult.

7. See things from your spouse's perspective Many things are difficult in your marriage because you are only seeing things from your perspective and being sensitive to your spouse and failing to see where your spouse is coming from. Marriage thrives when you stop thinking only about yourself.

8. Check if you are entertaining many voices When you get various advice from different people with differing values, upbringing, agendas, experiences and outlooks; you can easily get confused and begin to doubt your spouse. Be careful who you listen to.

9. Check if you are a quitter If in the past you had a habit of getting bored easily and quitting relationships, friendships or jobs; find out if your quitting ways are the problem, not your spouse. Maybe your commitment level is weak and needs working on.

© Dayan Masinde

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

_______________________ MOTO MOTO COUPLE SEMINAR

DATE: Sunday, February 9th 2020

VENUE: The August 7th Memorial Park Conference Hall in Nairobi (opposite Railways bus stage, next to Co-Operative Bank House)

TIME: 2:30pm to 6pm.

THEME: SEX AND INTIMACY where we will address the sexual and emotional health of your marriage and how it affects how you two relate.

CHARGE: 500 ksh per person.

Come with your spouse or come take notes for you and your spouse. To book your spot or for all enquiries call or text 0721590954

SPEAKER: DAYAN MASINDE. Organised by MARRIED & SAVED

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