1. Your ex?
If you keep giving your ex more attention, keep protecting your ex even when your ex makes your spouse uncomfortable; your spouse will think that your ex is more important to you than the future of your marriage.
2. Your friends? If your friends are your priority and your spouse has to settle for the bread crumbs of your time yet your friends get the full loaf; your spouse will grow tired of begging for your attention.
3. Your work? If you are a workaholic, avoiding your spouse all day and carrying work home; your spouse will struggle to keep up and withdraw, letting you stay married to work.
4. Your baby daddy/baby mama? If your interactions with your baby mama/daddy is growing beyond being about the child/children you have outside of the marriage and when your spouse raises an alarm you brush it off; your spouse will become insecure.
5. Your pride? If to you, your self-elevation is more important than the health of your marriage, if you would rather hurt your spouse than humble yourself to apologise, to listen, to receive correction, or to show love; your spouse will wonder what is the point of staying married to you.
6. Your ministry? If serving others comes first before serving your family, if to you, receiving the praise of "Man/woman of God" is more important than being a good and present spouse and parent and your spouse has to remind you that you are married; your spouse will wonder if serving God means weakening the family.
7. Your parents? If your spouse's opinion, well-being and comfort is meaningless because you would rather please your parent/s who you don't live with and have children with; your spouse will wonder if you were really ready for marriage and to build your own home.
8. Your "best friend"? If your spouse's voice and time is eclipsed by a best friend you keep praising and running to, if that best friend is leading you away from your spouse; your spouse will feel threatened.
9. Your culture? If to you, upholding culture which was made by ancient men who could be wrong is more important than loving and treating your spouse right; your spouse will wonder if you married for society or for companionship.
10. Your habits? If to you, drinking, pornography, gambling are worth holding on to and defending even if they are destroying your marriage; your spouse will get tired of telling you to think about the both of you and your marriage will deteriorate.
11. Your phone? If you hold your phone too dear that you can attack your spouse for touching it or ignore your spouse just to look at the screen; your spouse will hate that a small gadget has come between the two of you and is shaking your marriage.
12. Your pastor? If your pastor's opinion is more important to you than that of your spouse and you follow your pastor without question; your spouse will question who really runs the home you both share.
Your spouse should be made secure by you and have no competition. Focus on your marriage.
© Dayan Masinde
In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I address issues men go through from childhood upbringing, work, family responsibilities, home making, sex, relationship with their father, friends, money, vision, self-esteem and identity.
In my new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I address issues women go through from emotional struggles, work, home management, marriage dynamics, relationship matters, daddy issues, friends, motherhood, self esteem and, purpose and sex. ___________________________________ To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer . To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.