How to resolve conflict in marriage

By Dayan Masinde | Friday, Jan 3rd 2020 at 15:32
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1. Know that misunderstandings are normal when two adults relate

2. Calm down first before you say something you will both regret

3. Come around and talk as soon as you can. Keep the chain of communication open

4. Don't be afraid to have difficult conversations. Talk, even if it will be unpleasant

5. Listen to each other. Both the offender and the offended should feel heard

6. Avoid bringing others into the fight. If you will seek counsel about the issue, go to a friend you trust or a Pastor or Counsellor

7. Address the root causes that are leading to the fight, not just the fight

8. Be careful not to make irrational decisions as your emotions boil. Calm down first before concluding. Let the dust settle

9. Both of you be humble, put your ego aside

10. Speak about all that makes you angry and upset. Don't bury things under the carpet. Pretence solves nothing

11. Remember why you got married in the first place. Has one of you or both of you veered off the vision and are you willing to bounce back to the vision?

12. Apologize. Be sensitive to the wrong you have done

13. Pray together. Prayer will bring peace and clarity

14. Listen to God. Sometimes God will try to tell you something through the fight but you two fail to listen because you are busy arguing

15. Give each other peace. Both men and women gravitate to where there is peace

16. Invite each other back with love. Be attractive in conversations

17. Learn the lessons the fight taught about you and your spouse

18. Share those vital lessons with your children and those in marriage without necessarily sharing your personal story if you don't wish to. Wisdom ought to be shared

19. Know that healing takes time. The key thing is to start the process

20. Treat each other better after the fight. Let there be real change, especially from the offender

21. Know that most marriages grow stronger after a storm. Yours will flourish too, if you both are willing to nurture the vision

*Fighting does not mean physically

© Dayan Masinde

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I address issues men go through from childhood upbringing, work, family responsibilities, home making, sex, relationship with their father, friends, money, vision, self-esteem and identity.

In my new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I address issues women go through from emotional struggles, work, home management, marriage dynamics, relationship matters, daddy issues, friends, motherhood, self esteem and, purpose and sex.

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