Ways that alcohol can mess up your relationship

By Dayan Masinde | Monday, Sep 2nd 2019 at 09:36
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Why are do you drink alcohol?

Some say they drink to fit in, others to forget their troubles, others to help them socialize because when sober they lack confidence, others because it is a habit they are too used to.

A lot of adults were introduced into drinking by their drinking parents or relatives, by a group of friends they hanged out with in high school or college, by a romantic lover they had, by a colleague at work who convinced them that with money they need to do over 18 things.

A lot of adults have alcohol problems. When you have alcohol problems, you will have relationship problems. The unfortunate thing about most adults who drink is that they don't admit they have a problem.

Here are some ways that alcohol can mess up your relationship/marriage;

1. It messes up your judgement When you are not sober, you will not make the right long term decisions for yourself. Being high causes you to live for the moment. You keep damaging your future because you are living in the now. A relationship/marriage requires two people who see long term. This is why many who drink have been dumped by people who want something serious.

2. It makes you choose the wrong spouse A lot of people who drink, do not marry someone who is ready for marriage and who will make a good spouse; they marry instead their drinking partner who they heckle and have sex with. This shaky foundation leads to a shaky marriage.

3. It threatens your job and progress A lot of people who drink have either lost their job, lost business, received warning letters or failed to be promoted thus remaining stagnant in life just because they cannot be trusted with responsibilities. This has caused a lot of marriages to have conflict and financial strain.

4. It introduces you to environments that encourage the habit When alcohol means a lot to you, you will find yourself going to where alcohol is in plenty. Your frequent places will be bars, adult parties and clubs yet you are a family person. This is why a lot of family men/women still act like they are single and in college. They will have time and money to spend where there is alcohol but fail to attend family gatherings, sober dates organised by their spouse, their children's sports day, marriage seminars, enriching couple get together, counselling sessions and events for personal and professional growth.

5. It makes you defensive People who love alcohol tend to be defensive and easily irritable even to their spouse and children. They push their loved ones away saying they are adults and it is their money so everyone else should shut up and mind their business.

6. It makes you waste your family money In an environment where alcohol is the agenda, many are throwing away their family money to get high, buying others alcohol. If you calculate the amount of money you spend on alcohol in a year, you will be shocked how much investment for your children and family you could have made with that cash. Instead of buying drinks for strangers in a bar, find a way to impact society after you have taken care of your family.

7. It lies to you that you have good friends A majority if not all the friends you drink with don't actually care about you. They are either passing time with you or using you to get them to buy you drinks. That is why they incite you mistreat your spouse, dare you to do things you shouldn't and talk to you about any scandalous or trending topic but not about who you really are inside and the state of your heart. If you lose your job or marriage, most won't be there for you. They will abandon you and find other drinking buddies to talk about you as the trending topic.

8. It makes you violent Most violent cases in relationships/marriages occur when one or both parties are intoxicated, either at home or in public. Some couples are so used to this dysfunction that it has become normal to them.

9. It humiliates you A lot of people don't remember what they do when they are high, some even urinate on themselves or vomit on strangers or say embarrassing things. When they meet their drinking friends, they laugh about it but the spouse and children get humiliated. As you laugh about the silly things you did, you are slowly eroding your reputation which will take a long time to rebuild. Those who are laughing with you are actually laughing at you.

10. It damages your health There is a reason why by law, alcohol products are instructed to state the harm they can cause to health. Most adults who drink brag that they know their limit and for many, they keep pushing that limit. What you sow when your body is younger, you will reap in old age. Your lifestyle will soon catch up with you. Unfortunately for some, instead of enjoying old age with family, they are nursing health complications that are taking a toll on their finances.

11. It turns your spouse to be your enemy A spouse who loves you will be concerned about your alcohol dependent lifestyle. Sadly, when your spouse corrects you, you will see it as an attack and you will side with the alcohol and be dismissive towards your spouse.

12. It threatens your safety Some who drink think they are still able to drive when high because they are convinced they know their limit and have drunk and driven in the past. This carelessness has led to the loss of many lives on the road, creating widows, widowers and children without fathers or mothers.

13. It robs you of family time Alcohol consumption will lead you away from family where drinkers like you gather. Slowly, you start coming home late or the next day, your spouse complains and children miss you but you don't care. You grow apart as a family, your spouse hurts and learns to live and sleep without you and your children grow and move out without spending much quality time with you. For just alcohol, you deny your family.

14. It keeps you away from god A lot of people claim once they stop drinking they will come to God. They keep postponing a healthy relationship with God because they want to hold on to the bottle. Why are you allowing coloured water to keep you from your Maker? Come to God as you are and God will transform you, you will progressively be filled with a desire for greater things.

15. It gives you a false sense of confidence If you are a shy person but drink to be able to interact with others then those who interact with you are not interacting with the true you. Stop allowing alcohol to make you lazy when it comes to dealing with your self-esteem. Stop hiding.

16. It makes you unfaithful A lot of people have found themselves waking up in bed with a stranger, contracting a sexual disease or becoming pregnant or a father due to sexual activities when they are high. A lot of affairs happen this way, threatening good relationships/marriages.

17. It makes you run away from people who care about your growth When you love your drink, it will make you repel your mentor, your pastor, your parents, your spouse, your true friends and anyone who is concerned about what alcohol is doing to you. You will run away from accountability and remain stuck with your alcohol.

18. It isolates you Once alcohol grows into an addiction, it will isolate you from people including your family. You will become a loner who keeps running to the bottle for false comfort, people will become tired of you especially when you steal family money or use people to keep buying drinks. You will slip into a deep dark hole, lose perspective in life, forget to be a spouse, a parent, a friend and maybe even become suicidal.

19. It turns you into the person you vowed never to become like A lot of the people who drink say they don't want to be like their drunk parent/relative/friend/someone drunk in society and yet that is exactly what they are becoming. Stop failing yourself.

20. It makes you a bad example to your children Almost every drinking parent doesn't want their children to be drunks and yet that is the example they are passing to them.

21. It complicates your problems If you have problems in your relationship/marriage or in life, drinking will not solve them, it only postpones the problem and adds more issues to it by ruining your connection with those you love.

22. It ruins your sex life Some adults when they drink don't nurture intimacy. They come home drunk and black out on the sofa or in bed as the spouse wonders what happened to the spouse who used to be so affectionate and kissable without alcohol breath. This brings frustration and kills sexual desire. Some, their libido gets inhibited.

Is alcohol ruining the relationship you have with your God, yourself, your spouse, your child/children, your siblings, your relatives, your true friends, your mentors, the ones who look up to you, your workmates, those of the opposite gender? It is time to change. If you are struggling seek help, seek counselling.

© Dayan Masinde

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I demistify what being a man is and I address the man's sexuality, emotions, thoughts and struggles.

In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I talk how a woman can be the best her as an individual, a wife, a mother, a friend and as a believer in God. I also address her sexuality.

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

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