Why having low self-esteem is not good for you

By Dayan Masinde | Monday, Jun 10th 2019 at 12:34
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1. It makes you put up with crap

You are in a relationship/marriage where you are being beaten up, insulted, destroyed and cheated on; but you stay. Even worse, when your partner is to blame, you think you are the problem and should count yourself lucky for the rotten love you have.

2. It makes people use you

People walk all over you, manipulate you, and use you because you let them.

3. It robs you of your identity

You follow trends and fads because you want to fit in. You suppress your voice because you feel it is not good enough.

4. It makes you see God as a ruthless punisher

You feel God is ever with a whip, waiting for you to fail and punish you. God is gracious, loving, forgiving, but your low self-esteem keeps you from seeing that. You focus on your mistakes.

5. It makes you hate being alone

You dislike your own company because you don't find yourself attractive. You depend on other people to give you meaning making you clingy. You jump from one relationship to another, one rebound to another to give you worth.

6. It turns you into an attention seeker

You want attention because it consoles you. You speak with a loud voice, create drama, create scenes, dress provocatively, post updates on social media to attract curiosity. You seek pity from people. Without attention, you feel worthless.

7. It makes you settle for less

You deserve the best, but you settle for less. You hold on to an average job, an average life, an average relationship. You feel the best things in life are for the 'other' people. A good person wants to love you, but you decline, choosing instead to commit to someone who messes up your life.

8. It makes you a hater

If you hate on someone's success, you have low self-esteem.

9. It makes you desperate

You rush things, making everything an emergency, therefore, ruining even the best of things. You come across as emotionally unstable.

10. It makes you suicidal

You give up on life. Better death than living your miserable life. You refuse to take charge of your life despite the many real stories of people who got themselves out of a tough situation. You give up too easily, failing to see your potential and bright future.

11. It makes you idolize "great people"

Beyond admiring successful people, you idolize them. Failing to recognize that they are human just like you, you too can be successful.

12. It makes you an addict; you are not in control

Alcohol addiction, pornography addiction, getting high addiction. You hide and numb your reality in addiction. You can't have fun or be confident without alcohol; you don't engage in real relationships, so you turn to pornography to make you feel alright.

13. It robs your smile

You don't enjoy your life; your smile is plastic; your laugh is fake. You pretend you are happy, but deep down, you feel empty.

14. It makes you insecure and overly possessive

You are fearful of losing your partner because you think there is someone out there better than you. And so for no reason, you suspect your partner, become jealous and want to track your partner's every move.

15. It makes you not to enjoy making love

A low self-esteemed man will not turn on a woman fully, and a low self-esteemed woman will be too self-conscious, making the act rigid. To have a great love-making session, one must feel hot and sexy, relax, and release.

16. It makes you see yourself as dirty and good for nothing

If people insult you or talk negatively about you, if you were sexually abused in the past; all your life, you live feeling unattractive. You let other people and past events define you.

17. It cheapens you

You have no dignity, no values. You are casual with sex, doing it to get and keep someone, using it to feel needed.

18. It ruins your relationship/marriage

Low self-esteem will take a toll on your love life; it will make it a struggle to love you because you don't love yourself. Your partner can't make you love yourself; how you view yourself is your sole responsibility.

19. It keeps you from doing great things

It makes you mediocre; you become your own worst enemy.

20. It makes you irrational

You become easily tossed about; you lack the guts to be decisive and stand by your decisions.

21. It robs you your life

You look back over your life and wonder, what have I done with my life that is meaningful? You lack drive.

22. It makes you anti-social

You avoid people because you think if they get close, they'll find out you are not all that amazing. And even if you have a partner, your whole life revolves around that partner, you make no friends and don't want your partner to have friends. You suffocate your partner.

23. It makes you avoid your breakthrough

Yes, you have big dreams, yes you can make it; the world is ready for you to shine, but you refuse to show up. You talk big but do little. You put no effort; you are scared of risks and failure; you tell yourself it is impossible.

24. It makes you superficial

You don't get to connect with people on a heart level; you cover up on the outside with fine clothes, money, material things because you fear to be vulnerable.

© Dayan Masinde

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I walk with men towards understanding themselves and help women to understand men. I talk about how to be proactive and to cultivate a vision and take charge as a man; plus the man's place in marriage and family. I talk about how to deal with men's issues.

In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I walk with women towards understanding themselves and help men to understand women. I talk about the woman and her purpose, leading her life, not being a victim of circumstances; plus the woman's place in marriage and family. I talk about how to be emotionally rational.


To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

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