1. Do you believe in love, marriage and family?
You must know this so that you don't waste your time with someone whose goal is not long-term.
2. Are you single?
Don't assume this, lest you get yourself caught up in a love triangle or a love square or octagon with someone you assumed was available.
3. Are you or were you once married?
Many people are building a future with a married person or someone who is not done with their spouse but they don't know because they never asked.
4. Do you have a child/children?
Make sure you ask this lest surprises pop up in the future. Check what kind of a parent they are if they have a child/children. Find out how he/she relates with baby daddy or baby mama and assess if you are OK marrying a single parent or not.
5. Do you have a relationship with God?
If your faith is important to you, ask this. Your faith influences your decisions and world view, commit to someone you agree in faith.
6. Why did your previous relationship end?
Find out how if there is a pattern in his/her previous relationship? What role he/she played in messing up? Is he/she someone who blames others? Has the person healed and become better or are you about to become a rebound?
7. What is your view towards sex?
Someone with a twisted view towards sex will most likely be a cheat, be casual about sex or use you for sex. Someone who sees sex as evil and a taboo even in marriage will frustrate you. Someone who desires pure, real intimacy where the marriage bed is honored is what you are looking for long-term.
8. What is your HIV status?
HIV AIDS is not a death sentence. But you need to know the person's status so that you know are you in or out?
9. Do you want children and what will happen if we can't have any?
Don't assume everyone who is getting married wants a child, marriage is not incomplete without children. Talk about this, if you two agree on having children, how many? Know what you are getting yourself into.
10. Do you and your family strongly believe in culture?
Many marriages are suffering because of people holding onto retrogressive or conflicting cultures. Find this out before you get yourself in manufactured drama in tussles with his/her family.
11. What is the role of a man and a woman in marriage?
Some people have twisted views about gender roles in marriage, the work place and society. Don't take yourself in a marriage where you will be uncomfortable just because of a spouse's mindset.
12. What is your financial status?
Money is a big deal in marriage. Don't look at the flashy things someone has or doesn't have, find out if the person is in debt and how deep, how they view and handle money, their spending habits, does the person use money to demean others? Is the person after you only for your money and convenience?
13. Do you believe in polygamy?
This is important especially for the ladies. Don't get married to a pro-polygamous man thinking in marriage you will be the only one.
14. What is your personal vision and dream?
This is important, your future spouse must have more to live for than marriage, sex and kids. Find out the person's personal vision and purpose and how it aligns to yours.
If you have been in and out of relationships, may this questions help you discern and find clarity in your love life. Sometimes all you need to do is ask the right questions.
In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I walk with men towards understanding themselves and help women to understand men.
In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I walk with women towards understanding themselves and help men to understand women.
© Dayan Masinde
To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.
To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.