Comrades, it's good to play safe but stop hogging CDs

By Ian Duncan | Monday, Apr 8th 2019 at 07:53
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I went to visit a friend in his room a couple of Friday evenings ago. We went to high school together, stayed in the same dormitory, and ended up in the same campus. So, in terms of friendship, he’s been to me what I hear rappers and children of today call ‘day ones.’

I found him cleaning the room after doing his own laundry; which surprised me because he has always struck me as one of those chaps who think they are too delicate to do such ‘hard’ labour because it’s tantamount to slavery.

We spoke for a little while after he was done. I told him about a house party I had been invited to by a lass I had been courting for a long time and asked if he could come along to play my wing man. He said: “A party, free booze and women? Hell yeah.” I know, he’s also a bit of a wild card.

Then he brought out about half a dozen mini-boxes containing ‘Sure’ condoms from his closet and said: “You got protection? You never know where the night might lead you.”

“Dude, we’re going to a simple party, not a bloody orgy,” I said. “I know. You still might need a few,” he insisted. Then I asked: “Where did you get all these condoms anyway?”

“From the dispenser?” “You took all of these? What, are you trying to sleep with the whole school?” “It’s just a couple.” “I don’t know if you were concentrating during English lessons but a ‘couple’ means two. There’s literally over a hundred condoms in those boxes.” “Why are you tripping, man?” “I’m not. You are. This is not right.”

I have noticed that this is a common habit among my campus peers. A few comrades wait until the dispensers around the hostels are filled with condoms and then they go round stuffing all of them into their own boxes and taking them back to their own rooms.

Which is one of the dumbest things ever because I can bet my life nobody in campus has that much sex.

So where would one possibly be taking all those condoms? Putting them in their rooms for decoration? Playing Father Christmas and distributing them around the neighbourhood during the festive season?

Using them to store sugar and salt? Using five pairs at once? Selling them to unsuspecting locals? Putting them on as socks when they’re out of a fresh pair? What? What? What?

Listen, comrades, let us stop hogging condoms, be kind enough to pick just one or two - at the very maximum - and leave the rest for others too.

We’re all out here trying to get our groove on without the fear of contracting STIs or any of these other new funny diseases.

So let’s be each other’s keeper and play nice, Sawa?

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