How culture can destroy your relationship

By Dayan Masinde | Wednesday, Feb 27th 2019 at 10:48
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1. Some cultures cut the woman's clitoris because a woman is not supposed to enjoy lovemaking, her role is to serve her husband regardless of her needs. This is wrong, both husband and wife have needs and a woman too desires sexual pleasure. Her clitoris was created by her God for no other purpose but sexual pleasure.

2. Some cultures say a man's word is law and final in the home. This has made many husbands become dictators in their own marriages and many wives to lose their voice. Gentlemen, we don't want dictators to rule our countries so why do we want to be dictators in our homes? Marriage is about companionship. Companionship and dictatorship cannot exist at the same time. Companionship is two best friends talking things out and coming to an agreement which they both own. You won't become less of a man if you listen to and decide with your wife.

3. Some cultures say that a man is not accountable to a woman, he shouldn't inform his wife where he is or what he does in life but he should demand to know every detail of his wife. This is double standards. Relationships and marriages are about accountability and walking together. When as a man you are accountable to your boss because you know accountability at work leads to better performance and teamwork but you refuse to be accountable to your wife, then really, is the union you have with her important to you?

4. Some cultures say that the man should take in many wives regardless of how the woman he married with the illusion of she thinking she is the only one feels. Why do you want to hurt the woman you claim to love just because culture tells you to think about only you?

5. Some cultures say that the work of raising the children belongs to the mother, and when the children turn out wrong, it is the mother's fault but if they turn out right, the father gets all the credit. This has made many men absent fathers who are emotionally detached from their children and who think that being a father is only paying school fees. Gentlemen, don't allow culture to keep you from building a healthy connection with your own children who need your presence.

6. Some cultures say that women shouldn't tolerate anything from the husband (mwanamke ni kuvumilia) whether she is beaten up, cheated on, emotionally destroyed or financially stepped on. The same culture wouldn't advice men to put up with anything (mwanaume ni kuvumilia), but actually incite the man to get another woman. This has made some men insensitive, feel emboldened to do wrong and evade responsibility. Do to your wife what you'd want her to do to you.

7. Some cultures will tell you that if a man dies, his wife is not entitled to his property, his property belongs to his fathers, uncles and brothers. This is using culture to plunder on wealth that a man worked hard for his family with his wife.

8. Some cultures will prefer their own above others, this is how tribalism starts. Then parents start attacking your spouse from a different tribe or mistreating the children you have with a spouse from a different tribe. This is foolishness and backward.

If you notice, a lot of things in culture favors men at the expense of women and has conditioned some men to be irresponsible, insensitive, dictatorial or chauvinistic husbands and fathers. We need to realize that culture is man-made and anything man-made can be wrong. Don't follow blindly ways of life that were initiated by men who lived many years before at a time when development and insight wasn't as advanced. Culture is good in giving us an identity but if there is some part of culture that makes you mistreat your wife or children, reject it. You did not marry culture, you married the woman you love.

© Dayan Masinde

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I talk about the benefits of a man loving his woman and how it starts by the man loving himself. I talk about the responsibilities of a man to God, to himself, his family and society. Men are capable of loving.

In my other book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I talk about how a woman can make wise relationship choices, how to inspire love in a man and how a woman carries so many blessings for herself and her man. I help women to understand themselves and the impact they have on others.

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

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