Bishara Hamo underwent forced Female Genital Mutilation as a child, and will live with the scars all her life....
My life was smooth until I fell in love with a dangerous, alcoholic and abusive man
Your life reads like a soap opera, why so much drama?
I also can’t explain why tragedy has always been my companion. I have battled identity issues, rejection and abuse. I have been through several carjacking incidents, depression and I divorced an abusive man after attempting suicide twice. But the worst experience for me was planning to kill my own two children.
Where did it all start?
It started when I got into a relationship with an abusive man. Before then, my life was smooth and had few incidents. In fact, I was brought up in a loving Christian home and had a good education. I gave my life to Christ while in high school. After high school, I joined Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology for a bachelor’s degree in IT, and later Strathmore University for my master’s degree. But like I mentioned earlier, hell broke loose when I met and fell in love with a dangerous man.
What do you mean by dangerous?
He was violent and he also used to disappear in and out of the relationship. The first red flag was how much alcohol he used to take, but love is blind so I did not see it. He was also very manipulative; whenever he was drunk he would disappear for days and then appear out of nowhere like nothing happened. I would cry for days and then forgive him. I used to beg him not to leave me because I felt like I could never get someone else. I recall begging him to stay with me, to a point of buying him gifts in order to make him stay.
But you still got married?
Yes I did, and that’s how I moved from the frying pan to the fire. I thought that by tying the knot, things would get better and he would settle down. But it got worse. I remember just before our wedding, I caught him red-handed in bed with another woman. Then immediately after our wedding, he disappeared for four good months. I searched for him everywhere to no avail. Eventually he turned up claiming to have been with his drinking mate.
Did you forgive him?
Yes, I was deepy in love so I forgave him and went on to get pregnant for him. As soon as he learnt we were expecting a baby, he turned physically abusive.
- READ MORE
- Killer moms on the loose: When ‘missing’ dear mum love ends in tear for killer mother
- Outpouring of sympathy as fans worldwide mourn Zimbabwe businessman Genius 'Ginimbi' Kadungure
- Surviving Coronavirus in foreign land was no walk in the park
- Former Kibaki bodyguard stuck in hospital over Sh100,000 bill
Were your parents aware of this?
They were not because I did not tell them. They only came to know later after he fatally assaulted me to a point I had to seek refuge at my friend’s house. I had scars all over my body. They rented me an apartment in Kilimani area, but after one month I reunited with my husband.
Why did you go back?
He sweet-talked me and promised to change his ways.
But he did not change. If anything, he became worse. His alcoholism got worse and on three different occasions we were auctioned because he had taken out loans and squandered them on alcohol. He became verbally and emotionally abusive. He would call me names in front of my children and neighbors, by that time I had another child. I slipped into depression and turned to alcohol for solace.
That was not a very good decision…
No it was not, but I was desperate and broken. I attempted suicide twice before I thought of seeing a psychologist, but nothing improved. When things got out of hand, I decided to end my life and my kids’ lives too because I didn’t want to leave them to their irresponsible father. I made a very good plan to crash my car on a weekend with my two kids inside.
Did your plan materialize?
No, God works in mysterious ways. The day before my planned murder-suicide, I was involved in a nasty car crash while coming from class. It happened along Mbagathi Road and my car was completely written off. I didn't have any other car to crash and that’s how me and my children escaped death. This was also my turning point.
What did you do?
I attended a church service that very Sunday after the accident and gave my life back to Christ. I was guilty for wanting to put my children through so much pain. But I forgave myself and tried to pick up the pieces.
Did your husband also change?
No, he continued with the abuse. I paid for marital counselling but he never showed up. Eventually I decided to jump out of the sinking boat; so I quit the marriage.
Is this where your ministry was born?
Yes, after healing and getting my life in order, I made a commitment to serve God fully. I started a ministry called Graced Woman. It started as fellowship of five ladies in my house, but it has since grown in leaps and bounds. I now have many women in the ministry and I mentor them, especially the young ones who could be undergoing the same hell that I went through.
Have you forgiven your ex-husband?
Yes, I must say that I forgave him and I have nothing against him. But I also learnt my lesson.