Nairobians and their top 10 annoying habits


1. Taking selfies in sccident scenes

Before the advent of smart phones there were many incidents of onlookers robbing the dead in accident scenes or just staring without helping. Digital phones have ushered the habit of taking photos of grisly accidents or dead bodies and posting them on Facebook and Twitter. A case in point was when somebody snapped and posted a photo of Fidel Odinga lying in state at Lee Funeral Home.

2. Free t-shirts

Marketers seem to have noticed the insatiable hunger to wear a cheap branded t-shirt among Kenyans. Every promotion or sales have a t-shirt somewhere and during roadshows, campaigns and marketing drives it's common to see crowds fighting for these cheap outfits. Unfortunately after the first wash the t-shirt stretches easier that fermented dough.

3. Voting to whine

The gullibility of Kenyans during campaigns is, to say the least, appalling. After being bought cheaply with Sh200 and a packet of Unga by politicians to cue in the sun for hours to vote, most Kenyans spends the whole five-year term whining and crying bad leadership. But the easily-forgetting masses cast the same whining card again after five years to restart the cycle again.

4. Instant coffee enterprises

The love for short cuts is not uniquely Kenyan but we in a class of our own in this self-destructing behavior. This is evidenced by the rise of pyramid scheme and quail farming, bubbles that blew away fortunes of many were duped to invest in these dubious enterprises. When the deal too good, they say, think twice.

5. Keyboard bravados

Social media is the latest platform through which wannabes are seeking a quick lift to short lifted fame, and fortune. Armed with a keyboard, a smart phone and internet connection many, especially university students, have mastered this art where they post vitriol against a certain community or political leader and then boom! They are famous. But the irony of this is the bravado fades as soon as they are outted and taken to the corridors of justice,  where they appear on national television with their tails coiled between their legs.

6. Uko wapi

It's in the DNA of Kenyans that when they call the most likely question after hello is "uko" or where are you? This is even if where you are is the least among their concerns. The best way to answer such a question is "niko hapa".

7. Phone peeping Toms

When they seat next to you in a matatu and you start texting they will tilt their heads or roll their eyeballs to peep at your messages. Some will even shamelessly smile to the funny messages in your WhatsApp thread, despite you giving them a snarling look.

8. Buying stuff in buses and bars

From mouse traps, electric lamps, underwear to sox and wigs Kenyans have perfected the art of trade in the most unlikely places like bars and buses. This is bearing in mind that even if the equipment is faulty chances of nabbing the hawker for a refund is almost one in a billion.

9. Stingy with mboch, generous with barmaid

Although the housemaid is the one entrusted with the kids and cooking the family food where she can poison everyone in one meal, she is rarely appreciated despite her meager salary. But the barmaid, the woman credited with encouraging menfolk to "kojolea" their cash besides occasionally hiking a ride in the matrimonial bed, is usually rewarded with hefty tips for her deeds. The same man will pay Sh10,000 rent for mpango wa kando and send their mother Sh2,000 for a whole year.

10. A drink yes, but food never

A Kenyan will drown you in alcohol until the wee hours of the night where they will pay you a taxi home. But tell them you want Sh200 to buy sukuma and ugali in the house and they look at you like you have tested Ebola-positive.

The Standard
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