Choose wisely: Your Valentine's Day this year will be determined by the type of man you choose
Valentine’s Day is here with us once again, hot on the heels of Njaanuary blues. Val’s Day is for showing your spouse, mpango or the day’s fling how much you love them. Kenyan women will be expecting to be treated by the men in their lives. However, many broke Kenyan men will be hibernating, others will switch off their phones while others will create fictitious errands and funerals to avoid what they consider an “overrated” day. Here are 10 types of Kenyan men on Valentine’s Day…
1. The broke butt
They are not in the stingy category. It’s just that they don’t have money to buy gifts, flowers, chocolate or take anyone in a skirt to a coffee date. Most are still reeling from January blues and a packet of unga will make more sense than Sh1,000 flowers which will wither by evening. As much as their hearts will be willing, their pockets won’t allow any treats. Most will be dumped especially if they are dating city chicks.
2. The ignorant
They have no clue what Valentine’s Day signifies and if they do, will confuse whether it falls on 12th, 14, or 15th. Some will be overheard asking whether “is it a public holiday”. Some wonder what the fuss is all about as people step out in red carrying roses like workers in horticultural farms. Most are shagz-modos.
3. The stingy
Can gain easy membership to the Stingy Men’s Association of Kenya besides lifetime access to the annual Men’s Conference, which falls on Valentine’s Day. They will avoid any financial responsibilities associated with love as buying flowers and other gifts is a waste of money best spent buying fertilizer or bags of cement for their housing projects.
4. The busybodies
Their hearts are willing to show some girl child some love just that their busy schedules won’t allow. Never mind this year Val’s Day falls on a Sunday, still, some such as nurses, doctors, makangas and drivers of SGR might skip it. Add traffic cops, prison wardens and pickpockets too.
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5. The lone wolf
These are deliberately single Kenyan men who avoid shenanigans associated with clingy, demanding chicks. Others have commitment phobia while others cannot be loved by any women apart from their mothers and sisters. Some are even senior bachelors who will be minding their own business drinking indoors while silently laughing at their friends blowing a fortune on women they don’t love.
6. Double dealers
These ones have many women and will be juggling breakfast with one mpango, lunch with a college girl, movie date with a workmate, dinner with an ex-file and finally going out with current date, mostly the long suffering wife. Those who are not good with lies will be caught and dumped after their love triangles are busted by a nosy side chick. And they are many.
7. The conservative
They believe Valentine’s Day is a wazungu concept which has no place in the heart of an African man. They will be heard criticising those observing lovers’ day yet Covid is still with us. Most don’t care about the fine things in life and are content with bare minimums. Their chicks are mostly sourced from the village.
8. Reversed roles
As funny as it may sound, some Kenyan men will also be waiting to be treated by their women on Valentine’s Day. They believe love is a two-way traffic. Paying rent and footing other household budgets means they also need to be appreciated. Their women are mostly the submissive churchy types.
9. The Avengers
Some men will use the day to dump chicks they have no interest in. Others will stand up some women as revenge for having experienced the same. Some married men will use to square things they don’t like with their wives. Most men in this category are infantile, emotional wrecks.
10. The shy
Some shy Kenyan men freak out holding hands or doing any PDA stuff. Neither will they enjoy buying sissy stuff like roses. The only red thing some have is blood and some toothpaste. Some have poor social skills with challenges bagging a woman.