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Watch out ladies, men are the new gold diggers in town

By Diana Makokha | September 17th 2021

It always was that a man was supposed to be a man; cater for his wife, kids and extended family and die like a sheep if the weight of responsibility weighed him down to the grave.

It didn’t matter whether he had broad shoulders, or none at all. A man was a man, full stop. Even the Holy Book said so, announcing in elegant print and prose that the creature with a tail at the front would be the head of the family. It was inevitable because back then, you needed muscles to wrestle down a buffalo for dinner and women hadn’t discovered gyms, or a paycheck.

Equally, it was assumed that the male version of Homo erectus came with the emotional strength to absorb whatever shocks life threw at him packed in his DNA. But centuries of lying low, women got fed up. They didn’t like that “he is the head and you are the neck” story one bit and were tired of giving head. They wanted to be the head, and it seems they got more than they bargained for.

Tables turned, and most millennial males are now money opportunists who demand to date only women who are “financially stable”.  If you are a struggling woman, jobless, or poorly paid, with a kid who needs to be housed, fed, clothed, taken to school, hell no. These boys are not sowing their miserable seed on barren rock. And you still think only women date for money? Haa!

Nowadays, responsibilities are shared more equally between men and women because the girls demanded for equality and men took the joke too far! They’re now looking out for women who are chumed like a wash-wash con man and they are willing sit back and pretend to love them to the moon and back, give good strokes and shamelessly let the women spend on their lazy asses. 

This type of men are smooth talkers. Good lovers, awesome kissers. They will shower a woman with praises quoted from Songs of Solomon and Proverbs 31. They will text, sext and call her three times a day like a dose of antibiotics. His is genuine love, and will always throw in an “I’m not like the other men you’ve dated before. Our relationship is based on pure love, trust, understanding, and many unnecessary things.” Lies!! See, the female gold digger fakes orgasms, which the loaded toad she is riding mistakes for love, but the male gold digger sprays real ones all over the place, which his loaded but lonely mama mistakes for love.

They are very sly, these chaps. In the initial days of the relationship, they will handle all the bills. He will be nice at first, to earn her trust. He will offer to pay for everything, even if it means fulizaing or getting money from his boys. His acts of kindness, warm gestures and being the gentleman will encourage her to drop her guard and her undies and before she knows it, she will be bringing the bed down – and paying all the bills and some.

In no time, the man won’t be living on his budget. Boy loves flashy and pricey things, but his career is undefined. He adores fancy stuff much as his income is questionable. It is always a red flag if you are bonking a man with a shaky career, low-paying job, or is unemployed yet he walks around bedecked in bling, expensive clad and a taste for choice whiskeys. This one is definitely going to depend on you for upkeep.

So before you wake up, you’ll be gradually sponsoring ‘your man’s’ flashy life without knowing it! And since he gives you toe-curling big Os, you won’t see it as a big deal to give him your ATM as a shoulder to lean on. In fact, you won’t realise that you could even be sponsoring his family and friends indirectly.

Such men even have the hoe-dacity to sleep around and use your money and car to please and brag to other women. He will need two or three new shirts and two new pairs of trousers for the Mombasa seminar, and since he’s expecting per diem after the seminar, he needs a few Gs from you that he will refund. Haa!

Women have even built houses for these drillers, or even educated their siblings and fed their wives and children. Yes, some of these crooks are married men – who also keep a harem on the side! If you thought the female gold digger was a shameless hustler with no scruples, you haven’t met this millennial bug whose brains reside below the belt.

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