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If he hasn’t asked you to commit and officially be his girlfriend, be open for other dates

By Diana Makokha | February 13th 2021

There’s this concept called multidating. This is when someone dates multiple people until they settle on one particular and suitable partner, for better and for worse, for happily ever after.

 Don’t start roasting me yet. Let’s all agree on what dating means. Your definition might be different from mine, and another person’s. 

 When people agree to meet with the aim of knowing each other, accessing their suitability and availability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship, that’s dating. This is all about ethical, healthy and responsible interaction with the other person in order to know if you two can agree to be exclusive. That’s dating.

 You’re actually supposed to date to see if you like the person long enough to keep them around you. Dating is casual, platonic sort of, and it only provides the perfect space and opportunity to get to know people, what they do, how they do it, what they like, etcetera.

 Dating here doesn’t translate to sleeping with them as such, though this happens anyway. The feeling should always mutual in such situations.

 On the contrary, being in a relationship is exclusive. This one requires good communication, agreement and commitment to exclusivity.

 Our brothers have been doing this all along and we eventually got used to it! Heard a scenario where Paul dated Jane, Mary and Magdalene all separately, then married Tina instead? Within three months? Then y’all wonder where this last girl just came from akapita katikati yao to be wifey? Its called multidating. Our bros know this so well.

Problem with women is, they just throw away all their other options once a Johnte shows them extra attention. Calls three times a day like an antibiotic dose. Sexts all day long. Three lunch dates, dinner, a 750ml bottle of Four Cousins and a pair of heels and she’s all over telling her girls how she’s in a stable relationship, telling off and missing out on other better suitors. Where do you get the energy to get attached to a dude who has not told and proved to you he wants you for good?

 Premature commitment!  Ladies, let’s work on ourselves first. Commit to yourself and know what you want, when you want it and how you love it. Define your package. It will save y’all mismatched situationships, unnecessary heartaches and endless ‘what are we’ questions. 

 If he hasn’t asked you to commit and officially be his girlfriend, be open for other dates. Don’t ever feel guilty going for dates with other men because you’re in a mere situationship. A date is a date. Nothing serious or special about it. If you two decide to have sex while at it, go on - have the sex. Sex is just that - sex.

Until the right guy comes along, and proves he’s the right tight one, and  you have it right in your mind and sense that’s he is the one, passed all those tests, woman, go. Go for those dates. Road trips. Holidays. Sex dates. Coffee. Everything, with whomever you feel okay with! Have your brunch in Nairobi and dinner in Naivasha. You owe no one your loyalty. Keep your options open. 

 See, growth doesn’t happen in a comfort zone. Agreeing to be exclusive with a man should only happen after you two have established some commitment. After he’s shown you how he can, and will treat you and the relationship over time. Gauge the consistency and availability of the person, and his willingness to invest in the relationship. Invest here got y’all thinking about money! Investment can also be time and emotions.

Drop those unnecessary emotional attachments, obsessions and possessiveness. It’s just a date. It’s just sex. 

 It’s a liberal world. And dating is relative. Be open to multidating and hunt for what you desire. It’s through auditioning that you finally get and have the best.  So, may the best man win!

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