Never chew your best friend's wife
By - Jan 1st 1970
“You shall not covet your neighbour’s house; you shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour’s,” the 10th commandment, Exodus: 20:17 (New King James Version)
Of all the bro codes, the worst that you can break is to have sex with your best friend’s wife. If you are shot dead, if your legs are cut, or if your penis is severed, you deserve it. The woman deserves as much punishment.
This past week, in three totally unrelated conversations, I was told of at least four marriages that ended because the man discovered he has been sharing his wife with his best friend. How do some people live with themselves?
There are some basic rules of life. If you are my male friend, you are not supposed to seduce my sister and make clandestine meetings to sleep with her, because sooner or later, you will get careless, and I will know, and it will sour our relationship. If you want to marry her, just know you have made a really stupid move. Because, if you ever treat her wrong, it will not go down well with me.
However dangerous it is, some men always think with their smaller heads. They let their libido guide their lives. That is why like Abraham Maslow's hammer, they look at every woman as a problem to be hammered. They have no boundaries. They can sleep with their relatives, prostitutes, their friends’ girlfriends, their friends’ exes, and every woman with a vagina. They have no taste, no class, whatsoever. It is like their blood group is L for libidinous.
I have witnessed this among my various circle of friends: A man waits until you part ways with a woman and the next weekend, they are out drinking and sleeping with each like you are not a factor in their dirty escapade.
One of the mysteries of life is the criteria that women use to give out their cookies. It totally baffles me. A woman can forego a rich and handsome man for some average Joe without a beard who wears a pink shirt. A woman can sleep with a man, the man’s brother, the man’s father, and all his friends as if it is not a big deal.
I used to think it is the poorly educated village girls who are susceptible because men take advantage of them. But Lord, even the learned women you would think know the rules of social decency and lines that must never be crossed, are so into incestuous relations, it is hard to explain.
It is difficult to apportion blame. Both the man and the woman are equally culpable. But it always starts with the woman. They always send these signals that horny guys pick up the way corrupt people sniff out tenders in government.
There is always a hug that lingers a tad too long. An inviting smile. If she dances with you, even in the presence of her boyfriend or husband, she will rub her buttocks a bit more aggressively to communicate a point. And men whose brains think of sex 69 percent of the time, always pick these cues like a shark smells a drop of blood in the water from a mile away.
Libidinous people tend to be utterly shameless
The part of their brain for shamelessness, restraint, and discipline was not encoded in their genes. Soon, they will be flirting. Soon they will meet and sleep, behind the man’s back, and often these things backfire badly.
Any man who lets an erection dictate his life, and any woman who can’t think properly when horny, are both on a path of self-destruction. Very few affairs go undiscovered. But even without discovery, the guilt is often too much.
Here is the thing, it is OK to have feelings for your friend’s wife if she is particularly hot. What is not OK is for you to even think of making a move. Just know that is not right. And for women, it is OK to have feelings for one of your husband’s friends, maybe he is taller, hotter, and monied. What is not OK is entertaining thoughts of blowing him up and sleeping with him.
When you find yourself entertaining such thoughts, you are tripping. I encourage self-flagellation and self-immolation if you must. You better die than cheat on your spouse with their friend. This applies to both men and women.
It is the highest form of betrayal, the worst form of cheating, and the constant reminder that a human being’s capacity for evil is endless.