Dear World Cup widows...
By - Jan 1st 1970
The World Cup is here with us again, the biggest football game that brings together the whole world. Well, I am not a football fan, but at least I know that 32 teams will be playing in the 64 matches. No, Arsenal and Manchester United are not among them.
I know the last teams will play on December 18. Also, Lionel Messi was playing and has already scored for his team. Argentina, no? Then there’s Jesus. Gabriel Jesus who plays for (Brazil?) Aah..People, I have a rough idea of what is happening and who is in it.
We know that all eyes are on Qatar and households have become boring because the men are staying out late with the boys, watching other 22 grown boys chase a ball around a pitch for 90 plus minutes. Yeah, it’s that lonely season, again!
World Cup widows is a term that resurfaces every four years, used to describe women whose men disappear from home for a whole freaking month, to watch football.
The absence of this gender in their women’s lives and lack of attention is too loud that it is felt all over the world especially for women who know little about the game.
You can never separate men from balls. Sorry for the pun, I meant football. I’ve never come across a man who doesn’t watch football. Are they around the world?
A man with balls but doesn’t give an eff about what’s happening with men and a ball in the field? Football is masculine and that’s something every woman should make peace with.
The riot act was read to us weeks before the official kick off. We know all matches will be played during this time; the 32 official World Cup matches plus other small small unofficial ones, during half time and even within the official live matches.
There are no pillow talks and those useless cuddles, even with the current Nairobi weather. Whether the day’s match is played during the day, at 7am or deep in the night, there’s no coming home. Sorry for the pun!
There’s a lot that goes on before, during and after every game. Injuries, fouls, penalties, scores, half time, over time.
I’ve read somewhere on social media from a doctor friend of mine that there is pre-match and post-match analysis. So here, if the game starts at, say, 4pm, the boys might decide to meet as early as 10am for a pre-match analysis.
I’m not sure if people, read men, are working during this Qatar period. But they’re watching World Cup. Religiously!
Football is a male obsession. It’s like religion. It’s more romantic than those boring candle-lit dinner things y’all women wow and aaww at. Football is something that I’m sure no man can explain.
Just take your lonely self on those dates
Who scores, who hasn’t, who was red carded and why, the fortunes of Group B teams shifting to I dont know Group X (do we have Group X even?) I mean, all these things that no one understands, are so dear to a man’s heart than his woman, at this moment.
It’s an international month’s dedication to boys and balls. You with your beauty, brains and big bootay, don’t matter anymore. Don’t think of any event for the next 29 days. Don’t suggest dates. Alternatively, just take your lonely self on those dates.
No silly questions, actually don’t ask any question. Shelve all ideas that might require Mr Man’s attention and involvement.
Now, y’all babes whose men are out there watching official matches and playing unofficial ones behind the scenes, instead of feeling lonely and overthinking about what might or might not be going on, why can’t you have some awesome time alone?
Like, finish that book you began reading in 1979? Learn some new recipe and bake a banana bread for you and the kid(s)? Walk around the house naked without someone grabbing you like a hungry bunny?
Girls’ nights out can work out perfectly for World Cup widows. Dress up in your favourite little black or little red dress and grab a glass of wine with your girls at a joint that doesn’t do those football shenanigans. Or throw a house party.
One week down, three more to go. Let boys be boys. Allow them to watch the balls; the 22 boys chase a piece of one big ball around the pitch. Also, the outcome of the day’s game, official or not, will dictate their mood.
The men in the house, not the ones in the field. Watch your mouth, Agripina.
Watch your tone and the whole sentence construction because it’s gonna be an emotional month - home and away!
Abort or keep it? Let the woman make her choice
By La Patrona