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Keep your friends away from your spouse and marriage

By Awuor Omino | September 27th 2021

Unless you are starting a business, do not accept unsolicited advices from friends. It is people closest to you who will end up ruining your relationships if you allow them. Even in a polygamous setting, relationships are always between two people and must remain so if they are to thrive. 

So why involve your friends in all decisions that you and your partner make? Why do you need to get their approval before you decide on what is good for you and your partner? We need to stop these nonsense if we want our relationships to flourish.

There is no way you can entrust your friend who has never been able to hold a relationship for a month to give you sound advice on how to ground your marriage. Relationships and marriages for that matter do not need cheerleaders. If you cannot invite your friends to your room to watch you hit the roof then you certainly shouldn’t allow them to contribute to the other facets of your relationship. ‘My husband cannot come home late’, ‘Mine has to cook dinner every weekend’

They will feed you with all manner of advices on what you should and should not do. They will lie to you about how firm they are at home. Your BFF as you call her will tell you how she is the one on the saddles when most evenings find her wobbly on her knees, subordinated and screaming ‘ndio baba Njuguna.’

We cannot all have identical relationships.  As a matter of fact, what works for you doesn’t have to work for me. 
Your partner who is a perpetual drinker will definitely not be identical to the next one who is a teetotaller. We can, therefore, not have a one size fit all approach to marriage so that if your husband does dishes at home then all men must do the same. 

This tabia of your friends trying to control your relationship by their own ideals must stop.Tell them off if you must but never tolerate the nonsense of ‘I would never allow my partner to do this and that’. I may not have lived long enough but I am yet to see a healthy relationship that was grounded on ultimatums and conditions. 

I am not saying that women must be submissive but a shrewd one will know when to talk and when to shut up- same to a wise man. A bicycle cannot move when both pedals are up or when both of them are down. Instead, it is the alternate up and down movement that generates motion. Each person has had a different experience in their love life and it is unfair for someone to try and offer solutions based on their unique experiences.

Unless your current partner is their ex, they have nothing tangible to tell you. So find a way of muffling their voices when they start telling you about what your partner is doing that they don’t approve to. There is no other formulae to a happy relationship except that of two people talking through their issues and coming up with a solution that works for both of them. Your friends will deviously drive you out of your home if you allow them to. What more they might as well take your place while at it.

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