Pampering the celebrity parade

By Mike Owuor

Bumula MP and Lands Assistant Minister Wakoli Bifwoli is known more for his humorous sound bites than a flashy lifestyle. But when the former teacher and self-declared presidential candidate was driven to an official function in Kisumu in a rickety pick-up, he briefly shoved humility aside and, in his inimitable style, ranted about a "whole Assistant minister" riding in a jalopy.

And who can forget Prime Minister Raila Odinga’s gripe at a public meeting about walking on a red carpet that was beneath the dignity of his station? Nusu mkeka (half a carpet), he called it, before going into a tirade about the venue not having a toilet.

Ridiculous extents

These, I should mention, may be considered basic demands when it comes to the wishes of VIPs (oh, I hear there are also VVIPs — Very Very Important Persons). Because of the nature of their ‘job’, politicians may consider it bad politics to publicly demand luxuries. But other celebrities, especially card-carrying members of the millionaire’s club, have no qualms about being extravagant or asking to be pampered to ridiculous extents. And these days top sports personalities are mentioned in the same breath as film and music stars.

This is unlike some of our skilled sports heroes in local leagues, who may not throw a tantrum even when the pre-match menu consists of matumbo and ugali, or lodge in seedy establishments down River Road. The World Cup in South Africa and the tournament itself will be the perfect venue to massage egos. After all, what would you expect from footballers who earn million a week?

SA 2010 organisers will no doubt have to work hard to meet some special demands.

Among the first to hit the headlines is Diego Maradona — a genius who is known both for his antics on and off the field. He entered football legend in 1986 when he scored a goal against England using his hand. The noisy and nosy British Press allocated acres and acres of space to moan about the goal. Maradona seemed to add salt to the wound by describing his goal a having been scored with the help of "the hand of God". Maradona is now the coach of the Argentina national team.

Daily Mail, a UK newspaper, reports that his private suite at Argentina’s training base in South Africa has had to be overhauled at a cost of Sh116, 000 after the coach’s aides demanded two state-of-the-art toilets. The bidet toilets, described as among the best in the world, reportedly have a heated seat and a warm air blow dryer.

Hot dishes

Other demands by the Argentinean team, revealed by South Africa’s Sunday Times, include that rooms be painted white and be installed with play stations for the footballers to use at their free time. The team management has also demanded that the team be served 10 hot dishes every day and a menu of at least 14 different salads at every meal. Ice cream must also be available at all times.

Not to be outdone, the Brazilian team has also made demands, among them that, for unexplained reasons, their pool be heated to exactly 32_C. They will also carry their own Portuguese chefs.

Mail further reports that Mexico’s national team has requested to have a special priest to conduct services at a church in their premises while the Italians have flown in special gym equipment and will carry their own pasta.

This is just like Harambee Stars sometimes carries maize flour.

In the meantime, New Zealand, making a rare appearance at the event, has reportedly enquired about having their players given golf lessons.

In the face of all this, the PM’s and Bifwoli’s demands seem quite modest.