The miracles HELB can perform

Ringera had just fixed me up. My pocket was now sweltering. This time, HELB chaps decided to surprise us. They disbursed the whole academic year’s amount, instead of the normal half disbursements each semester. I was damn rich. So I headed to town from Rongai. I was dying to squander that cash. I longed to reach the CBD.  

Then the driver pulled up at Galleria, where this light-skin chic made her way in. She stole everyone’s attention. Everybody charted her. There was no way I was going to let her alight without my word. I wished the chair next to me was empty. I would have gestured her to sit there. She proceeded to the seat next to that mzee. And you know these old chaps don’t like the perfumes that these young women wear. I started figuring out how to swap seats with that mzee.

Then I realized that the solar rays were really hitting him. He was seated next to the window. These matatus are not like the buses we board to shags. They have no curtains. So when the sun faces the direction of your window, you have to adjust and assume you are just basking in the sun. And put up with it, until your turn to alight comes. So I approached him, “mzae, enda ukalie kile kiti, hakina jua.” He thanked me, and moved to my sit. And this girl smiled. Hehe, had I not just gained ‘bonga points?’ If only that old folk discerned my intentions! She bent her limbs as I squeezed myself through to the seat next to the window. And we chattered all through.

 The jam from Nyayo Stadium to Haille Selassie Avenue generated more time. We talked of the things we liked and those we didn’t like. Most important! I managed to snatch her number. She disappeared into the crowd as soon as we got off the matatu. Was I to care? After all I had snatched her number. I mean, wasn't that enough? We were to catch up again on phone. So I went about my business in town. And bought that powerful woofer, a few garments, acquired a new gadget, and was back.

A week later, I called her and she recalled my deep voice. That gave me an easy time to introduce myself. Not like these other stubborn girls around here. The ones you keep reintroducing yourself to each time you make them a phone call. That whole week, we talked and texted until very late in the nights. We talked of all sorts of things and all dirty staffs. Then we arranged a sleep-over. She was to come over the next Saturday. I have never experienced such a long week again. Days got stuck but, at last Saturday crept in.

 I live in a two-sharing room in school. So I had to exile my roommate. But he was not to move yet. Not until he set eyes on her, the lady that I kept mentioning in all conversations that whole week. So she came and he saw her but he had to leave as we had agreed earlier.

She was beautiful, very beautiful; men of my type don’t just crush anybody. Many things happened afterwards. And the time to reap the fruits of our three weeks liaison beckoned.  If it were not for the loud music in my room; my neighbors would have woken up early the next morning. And sat on the balcony, just to wait and see this lady that was making very funny noises the previous night.

I had once eavesdropped on a ladies’ conversation and heard them say, they loved men who made them scream

“Babe, kwani wewe ni Mluya?” That made me blush. You know, we Lunjes have a way in which we must just gratify these people. I’m told that vigor comes from the ugali that we like eating so much. We can never let you down.

Morning came. I was going to empty the dustbin when I noticed them. Those two used wrappings of Penicillin G. (These are drugs used to cure Syphilis. I knew them from a friend who once contacted this disease). That’s when I recalled her asking for a tumbler to take panadol the previous night. She had complained of a mild headache. And I swear! I had used no condom the previous night.