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Why you will never catch a farmer with a potbelly

By Oluoch Madiang' | March 25th 2017

There is nothing as exciting as when the Peasant Farmer parks his jalopy at the ‘restricted-entry’ area of big and small hotels.

The restricted-entry area is generally where, clad in overalls and gloves, the Peasant Farmer always makes a delivery of his amazing mazao.

It is the place where the Food and Beverage Managers always make contact with the mkulima to ascertain that the delivery is the right quantity, after which he approves for the Peasant Farmerswallet to be fattened by the General Treasurer.

After a visit to hotels, big and small, the jalopy is always lighter and the wallet fatter and the smile bigger.

Now, it does not escape the Peasant Farmer that some of his mazao are always ‘added value’ by the hotel and sold to potbellied watu who utilise the gym to atone for their sins of commission and omission. The hotel’s gym are full of watu who have been engaged in engorging foodstuff that lead them to have unhealthy belly-fat, and after realising they cannot run for their lives in a riot situation, enroll in a gymnasium to burn away those calories.

What is factual though is that you shall never find a real hands-on farmer enrolled in a gymnasium to waste his hard-earned monies.

That is because farmers have no potbelly to punguza.

You should see the farmer, after his delivery, seated in the hotel watching adults running on the spot and lifting weights and sweating and crying and, after a session, being forced to gulp raw eggs from the Peasant Shamba and a concoction of blended Peasant Shamba dhania, spinach, avocado, rosemary, mushroom, garlic, pilipili and onions, supposedly as detox.

And for this they pay thousands of shillings.

wwThe trick to farmers not having irritating potbellies is tea! Of course tea has over 13 health benefits, one of which is ensuring mtu hakuwi na tumbo. It is very good for the waistline. But that is not all. Drinking tea several times a day like a Kenyan from Maragoli is the key.

A farmer drinks a lot of tea in a single day, but not as you imagine.

The reason they can do so is because they have planted a million herbs and spices to enjoy the tea with. In the morning, they wake up and have strung, the purest form of tea with no additives.

This gives them the kick to start the day like energy machines.

Then they have tea with milk, tea with tangawizi, followed by rosemary tea, lemongrass tea...and finish the day with masala tea which is a mix of all available herbs and spices form their shamba.

It is these 10 cups of tea a day that makes the farmer maintain their six-pack waistline. Add to this his running after livestock and lifting produce, and no ‘public service’ stomach will ever develop in a farmer!

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