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Annoying ungodly acts in church women should stop

Living

Just the other day, we were treated to an interesting spectacle in the papers. A few women including Women’s Rep Rachael Shebesh had been forced to drape themselves in some shapeless and colourless khangas in a certain house of worship. It seems this particular church has decided to tether the whims of modern day fashion where short and less and sometimes indecent is the in thing.

This incident had me thinking about church and this whole church going business. There was a time in the past when church was a rather drab affair, but over time church has become contemporary and hip.

However, in the process some unattractive and in my view ungodly habits have crept in and today I want to talk about these nasty ways.

Let us begin with our fellow Christian brothers and sisters who like to show up late to church. I hear these people are usually on time for work and other important events throughout the week, but come Sunday they cannot show up on time.

Waltz in late

My gripe with these people is that they feel that despite their lateness, they have the right to sit on the front pews of the church.

So they waltz in late, then head right to the front aisles where they elbow and jostle for space - sometimes becoming nearly violent when denied sitting space.

Often, they end up being uncomfortable sandwiches and causing discomfort for those who showed up on time. My advice to these folks, if you are late sit outside or wait for the next service.

The Bible tells us to make a joyful noise unto the Lord - and I fully agree with this line.

However, this same Bible tells us to recognise that we all have different talents. Yet there are some misguided souls who are in denial that the Lord in his wisdom denied them the gift of voice. Simply put, they have horrible voices. These people insist on singing loudly; decimating all the best intentions of the choir and church music.

I fail to understand how anyone can possibly not know that they lack the gift of singing.

To those tone-deaf souls, I really must plead with you to hum if you must - ruining the eardrums of others in the name of worship is not kind or Christian-like. The Lord who sees and hears everything knows your limitations and understands.

We are told that Jesus liked children and he wanted them to come to him. I have a feeling that Jesus wanted to hang out with quiet and well-behaved children because in all honesty screaming brats are a vexation to the soul and can lead one to serious sin.

You have these parents particularly mothers who like bringing their toddlers to church. The only downside of this is the children have not been ‘housebroken’ and trained on how to behave when out in crowds.

They become these truants who turn the aisle and altars into playgrounds in between shrieks and screams.

Even more annoying is the fact that most mothers will continue to gaze adoringly at their children while taking no form of action to correct their ways.

These brats end up being an annoying interruption to what should otherwise be an orderly service.

At the risk of appearing to be Jesus’ spokesperson, I feel that he too will understand if you choose to leave your child at home instead of dragging him or her to church to test the sanity of well meaning souls.

Last but not least, I must give honourable mention to hygiene and dress matters in the church. There are some folks who like to show up in church in their raw and most natural form.

Usually this form includes odours and aromas from last night.

You can be seated next to someone who emits pungent fumes, mostly alcoholic in nature while others smell of good old–fashioned sweat baked in heat and unyoked by deodorant.

I can confess that on many occasions I have had murderous thoughts owing to being suffocated by foul smelling Christians yet someone told me cleanliness is next to godliness.

When it comes to dressing, I think women easily take the cake for committing serious crimes. Women like to show off in church: some come decked in spandex, leaving no doubt as to where every bump of cellulite is located on their bottoms.

Others show off their assets by wearing the most flimsy and see through fabrics while others like plunging necklines that expose all the acreage in their twin towers borough.

Any other day I have no issue with what a woman wears but I have seen many brothers filled with a different kind of spirit and the one that makes one speak in tongues.

It sometimes becomes hard to focus on Bible verses when it is more fun to wonder if the chest before you is a 32c or 34d.

Church is not the place to go and get your ego and self-esteem massaged by being lusted and ogled upon. It is the place to focus on a higher being and if your voice, smell, children and dress is a distraction then please stay home and do your church through TV. There you can even do church naked.

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