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Get him more involved in parenting: Why fathers also need to be more involved in child upbringing

I always remember my dad being very involved in our daily lives. He was and still is an amazing father. He played games with us, helped us with our homework, ruffled our hair and kissed our foreheads twice every day... I thought he was the best while mum was the nitpicker (Sorry Etete).

But years later I came to realise that he did the bare minimum. He never gave us a bath (except that one time mum was in hospital after giving birth to our younger brother) while mum continued to come to the 'bathroom' for years to check if we had washed ourselves well.

While mom checked our lunchboxes to see if we had eaten the food she had packed for us, dad only checked our books for homework. And now that I am a mother, I also remember how he would run around the house playing with my brother but the moment he wanted to feed, he would hand him over to mum.

"To know that a man is a father is generally less of an indication of how he lives his life, than it is for a mother." When I came across this quote a few weeks ago, all that observation from my childhood and from my personal experience came back to me.

I understand times have changed and fathers are more involved in child upbringing but it is not a secret that responsibilities are still not split evenly. Even with 'stay-at-home dads' and paternity leave, it is obvious that mothers have much of the burden especially in the first few years.

But why?

It is simple maths - the more time you spend time with the baby, the more you bond. It is natural for the mother to understand the different cries or needs and react more accordingly than a father who sometimes changes diapers or does bottle feeding.

The traditional gender roles also have an effect on how we lead our lives today. Despite both parents working a full time job, the mother by default takes the role of managing the house and taking care of the baby. This sometimes can brew resentment especially when she is burnt out.

These gender roles are more pronounced when the mother is a stay-at-home mother, in which case she takes on the full roles.

And now?

However, we are more conscious about sharing baby care responsibilities today. Most fathers understand the burden of baby care and dedicate time to parenting. But the amount of workload they have or our high expectations might interfere with their interest to help in.

 Often times, we expect the men to do things the way we do them and our critical remarks can most likely make them refrain from offering any help.

As much as my husband might not have woken up every night to feed our daughter, he was there for almost all medical checkups or to take her to another room when I wanted to rest. But above all, the fact that he recognises and appreciates the demands of being a mother means so much to me.

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