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Why are all good women single mothers?

News

It’s a busy week. It’s been 15 hours since you buried your head in some urgent project and forgot that Real Madrid is playing Juventus. Your boys call you up and insist you can’t miss this game. But wait, you had agreed to meet with Mary on Saturday, and she sounded like it’s urgent.

You are about to call Mary and cancel her, but you remember the book of rules, ‘commit to your promises’. Instead, you tell Mary that you are up to the meeting later in the evening, but wouldn’t stay for long. You’re married, y’know, and she will understand.

As you stroll home, you think about Mary, six years ago as a second-year student taking double mathematics. There is something about girls who take double-maths in college - they are humble, they fear God and don’t sleep with men without a commitment.

Sometimes, they can be pretty boring, but it is understandable for someone who has to understand advanced calculus amid social pressure to hang out with girls taking marketing major at a club.

Being a good girl in this city is a big problem. A man will spot you and declare his ‘undying’ love, even accompany you to church in a bid to win your love.  But you don’t need to be a genius to know what he is after.

In a phone conversation, Mary told you how hard it is to get a good man.  In 2013, she got lucky, worked as a receptionist with a law firm but lost her job when her daughter arrived. She had dated Sam for two years before she was put in the family way. Sam fled, switched hoods, phone numbers and friends. It could be true that a man can work as hard in running away from a girl whom he has impregnated, as he would work when wooing that girl.

When you think about Mary, you remember the days you would ensure your fashion game was on top, lest you met her and blew your chances. One day you walked together to the football field and sat down for what seemed like an eternity. You played with her fingers and she gave you that look as if to say, ‘Pastor told us not to let boys play with our fingers.’

To cut a long story short; why are all good girls single mums? Why are men so adept at leaving the best things they ever had, the world ever had? Why would someone ditch a double maths major, someone who knows the challenges of life?

Every society succeeds by harnessing its best resources, and the most advanced economies did not take their women for granted. But we are letting our best girls go unmarried (as they give up on relationships once that crude, stupid boy runs away after knocking her up) and that is costing us a big deal. Is it that the ladies should be more careful when they are getting into relationships, or are we raising our children badly?

As you wait to meet Mary, it dawns on you that you let the best woman slip between your fingers for a good-for-nothing brat. Her star is still bright, as she still got it, but she tells you that she has more faith in her teddy bear than a man, any man.

@nyanchwani

[email protected]

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