Football dictionary for our clueless loved ones

While I am watching footie, my daughter cannot go two whole minutes without asking 21 questions. And I have found out that I can give her any answer, and she will believe it.

To other fathers who have to go through grilling while you are trying to have the time of your life, print this guideline and give it to your clueless loved ones, and you will enjoy the beautiful game in peace …

Brace: Happens when a football player sores a goal, against a goalkeeper who is wearing braces. It is then said that the player got a brace.

Hat trick: Happens when a player, who is wearing three hats, uses his hats to confuse the goalkeeper and, in the process of confusing the goalkeeper, they score a goal.

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Own goal: Happens when a player scores a goal, without help from his teammates.

Striker: This refers to a player who strikes mortal fear into the hearts of the opponents.

Midfielder: In the football pitch, there is a circle at the centre. This is what is known as the midfield. Midfielders are players who are always inside the circle, and never leave the circle at any cost.  

Sweeper: This is a player who is a gifted in sweeping, and uses his sweeping skills to help his teammates to win a football game.

Dead ball: This is a football that a football player has stepped on with his studs and, in the process, deflated it.

Dead ball specialist: This is a football player who is specialised in the age old art of stepping on the ball with his studs, and thus deflating it.  

Back pass: In football, this refers to a player who, during a break in the game, passes water to his teammates in the back of the field.  (Originally, this referred to a hommie who was riding shotgun while smoking a blunt, who then passed the blunt to other hommies in the back seat. That is what was called a back pass).

Equaliser: When football fans go to the stadium, they carry different musical instruments to cheer their teams. Sometimes, fans of one team can have instruments that are louder than their opponents’. That’s when their opponent pulls out an instrument that has an equalising effect. The instrument is called an equaliser. For instance, in the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, the vuvuzela was an equaliser.

Offside: This happens when; as the players are leaving their dressing rooms, one team may turn the lights off in their dressing room. (Lights in dressing rooms are supposed to be on all the time).

Offside trap: This happens when the team that left their lights off lures the opposing team to enter their dressing room. Thus, it is said that they set an offside trap.

Dribble: This happens when a football player is running off with a ball, and, because of the intensity of the game, saliva is coming out of their mouth. When this happens, the opponents are afraid of him and they let him to continue running – or, dribbling - with the ball.  

Goalmouth scramble: This happens when a player who is good at dribbling races toward the goal and finds the players from the other team who are also good at dribbling. Thus, it is said that a goalmouth scramble ensued.  

Bicycle kick: This is kick of the ball that a player does while they are riding a bicycle.

Goal kick: This is when a goalkeeper is angry because his teammates are letting him down, and so he kicks the goalpost in anger and frustration.

Free kick: This is when the referee gives a team the permission to freely kick their opponent. This happens when the opponents committed a foul.

The 12th man: Football is played by 11 players, on each side. Sometimes in a game of football, a fan may invade the pitch and try to help his team to win the game. This is what is known in football terms as the 12th man. 

Yellow card: Given to a player who is cowardly.

Red card: Given to a player who is angry and red-faced at an opponent. 

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