Parenting: Why I’m keeping baby name a secret

This is one of the most asked-questions after “boy or girl?” and “how far along are you?”

“What name have you chosen for the baby?” people start demanding as soon as your pregnancy starts showing. Some might even reach out and give your belly an unwelcome rub to emphasise their curiosity.

This is one of the most asked-questions after “boy or girl?” and “how far along are you?”

For some reason, people who were not there when you were making your spawn feel entitled to being heard and consulted when it comes to naming. The people I’m talking about here range from family, close friends, colleagues, to random strangers. If you are gracious and naive enough to share your name choices, you will be inundated with disapproval, unwanted suggestions, and unsolicited advice.

“But we could help you decide!  Why wouldn’t you tell us?” my sisters once confronted me. I firmly let them that I’m the parent and it’s my decision and mine alone, unless I want to share it. However, I let them know that if it’s a girl, she will bear my mother’s name.

That’s as far as I’ve come to sharing or discussing name choices for my unborn baby, although I already have two names picked – a boy name and a girl name as I don’t know which I’m having yet. I don’t plan on sharing these choices with a single soul until the little bairn is born.

I understand why everyone wants to take part in naming an unborn baby. After all, it’s one of the most exciting parts of the pregnancy process. There’s something weirdly fulfilling about choosing the tag a person will carry throughout their lives. That is, perhaps, why you should leave this privilege to the parents to be- unless they specifically ask for your input.

If you’re the expectant parents, there are other reasons why you might want to keep your baby name a secret until the baby is born.

Do you want people telling you that your child will share the name with their family dog or the bully who terrorised them in kindergarten? If you’re going with a traditional name, you might also hear tales of how the name you’ve chosen is outdated and not as cool as you thought.  Be prepared to get comments like: “Oh, you’re naming her Dorothy? That name is so ‘old lady’ and reminds me of my great-grandmother!”

 

BABY NAME THIEVES

I am also aware of baby name thieves. I know of ladies, Annette and Yvonne, who broke up their 20-year friendship when one stole the other’s preferred baby name. Apparently before either of them was even pregnant, they had discussed the names they would give their future children.

When Yvonne gave birth to her son, she gave him the name Troy- which had been Annete’s preferred name for a son. “She could have chosen any other name in the world! Why did she have to steal the one I had reserved for my own son? When I brought it up with her, she said I was being petty and oversensitive. She didn’t even apologise!” Annete lamented.

Unless you’re also pregnant, I don’t actually worry that you’ll steal my baby’s name. But what if you like it so much you share it with an expectant pal, who in turn decides the name also perfectly suits their little bundle of joy? What if I still want to spare the name choices I won’t get to use for a future child? I definitely don’t want my child being in a class with six other children bearing the same moniker.

I like the idea of announcing the baby’s name the same time I announce their birth. In a world where people feel like they have to get the information ‘right now!’, a little bit of patience and an element of surprise won’t hurt. Who knows, once they’re born, I might even decide the name I’ve chosen doesn’t suit the baby and go with a totally different one

Meanwhile, if anybody asks me which name I’ve chosen for my unborn child, I’ll continue coming up with ridiculous answers. “Oh, I’m thinking Riot for a boy and Butterfly for a girl” is my standard answer.