Since 1902

Kenyan men have grown fat, they can’t perform where it matters

According to a recently published study, one in every three Kenyan women is obese. While I do not wish to dispute these facts, based on my observations, the situation is not that dire. You see, this so-called female obesity usually comes packed in some rather interesting curvy packages.

Plus sized women, curvy women can and do look good plus my biology tells me that the fat that women carry serves the biological purpose of supporting the child bearing and rearing process.

Pictures of health

The study results appeared to give the impression that Kenyan men are the pictures of health and are lean, mean machines with zero adipose deposits. The truth of the matter, at least based on what my friends and I observe, is that Kenyan men are not as lean as they used to be and are getting a bit too heavy. Contrary to what men like to believe, the growing potbellies do not translate to growing affections with the ladies.

To begin with, whenever a man puts on weight most of it goes to his girth. An expanded male girth, especially when supported by rather skinny legs and flat bottom, is not in any way attractive but it introduces some interesting logistical challenges. If you ask many women about the first thing that comes to mind when they sight an obese or pot-bellied man, they will tell you — performance.

Contrary to what men like to think, massive pot bellies do not conjure images of cuddly teddy bears — instead they make us think of one important thing — performance.

Thoughts about performance usually revolve around whether the owner of the pot-belly is equipped to handle the task at hand.

Suffice it to say, a massive pot belly will naturally take away inches and yards from whatever gifts the gods might have gifted a man in the crotch department.

Then there is the simple issue of the mechanics of performance — which usually involves a fair amount of movement and of bodies being under and on top of each other.

Women, being practical creatures, will often think of what could happen if the obese man chooses to adopt the top position — fatal thoughts around death by suffocation or heart attacks half way can render one frigid for life which of course is not the reason why people make all the fuss around performance.

Unlike women fashion, men’s fashion is not too exciting when it comes to fat men. So most obese choose to take either one of two paths. There are those who operate in denial and still like to squash themselves into tiny shirts and you have those who prefer to drape themselves in tent-like garments.

Both of these have the same result of denying women the much needed visual candy that is necessary to make love and life that more exciting. Since male fashion is not that friendly to obesemen, I see no reason why men should let themselves go — they should stay lean or operate within some minimally accepted standards of fatness.

In the past, pots were only spotted after men had crossed the middle age mark and on most occasions when they had made significant strides to cross the poverty line. How things have changed, now you will find men years removed from middle age walking around with massive pot bellies.

It really is a ghastly sight to spot men under 30 waddling around with their massive tummies decked out in unsightly shirt and sagging pants. This then means that most under 30 women are already contending with sub-standard performance and the unnecessary stress that comes with dealing with fat men. Based on the current state of affairs, I shudder to think what these current crop of fat men will look like in their 40s and 50s.

Obesity in men makes them lazy as they appear to waddle around. I am yet to meet an obese man who does not have bad habits such as snoring, burping or farting too much. Let us just say that the whole big tummy thing churns out more gas than love when it comes to women.

So it is time both genders take care of their weight issues especially the men of today. It really is that simple, if your kilos are getting in the way of your enjoying life and especially of getting laid, then by all means lose them. Walk, swim, dance but by all means lose them.

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