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My boyfriend and I differ in the bedroom

Relationships
 Anxious woman in bed with her husband. [iStockphoto]

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I have different ideas about how to have fun in bed. He is a wonderful man in every other way, but… is this a red flag? I would love for this relationship to last; what do you advise?

Different

Hi, Different!

Don’t worry. We are generally attracted to someone whose personality is different from ours, and that means that couples often have very different lovemaking styles.

Maybe one of you is adventurous, while the other’s not. Spontaneous versus a planner? Perhaps you struggle to want the same things at the same time.

But differences don’t have to be a problem. They can also be exciting if you see them in the right light! For example, quickies before you get up. Men love them because their testosterone levels are high at the start of the day. But you resist because you want to stick to your usual routine.

Instead, try organising a fast-track get-up routine for yourself to recover any lost time, and then just go with the flow next time he’s feeling frisky at dawn. You will be surprised how quickly you get to like the idea! 

Or what if one of you is always too tired in the evening? Try hitting the sheets much earlier, with a big smile on your face, while you both still have plenty of energy.

Or what about if one of you can’t wait to get started in the evening, while the other must get the place cleared up first? Make the cleanup part of your foreplay. With each of you losing a piece of clothing as the other finishes one of the chores!

Or perhaps your boyfriend’s always trying to get you out of your comfort zone? Make a list of every bedroom activity either of you has ever heard of. Rank them all from never to right now and start work on the now’s. And then work back up the list

Intimacy also doesn’t have to mean going all the way. Instead, just cuddle close and talk. You will be amazed how much you both love it. 

All the best,

Chris

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