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My fiancée wants a dream wedding I can't afford or else...

 Photo: Courtesy

We are due to get married in December and have been having wedding committee meetings to organize the wedding. My fiancée is putting too much pressure on everybody so that she can have the wedding of her dreams. We are both not financially stable, but this has not stopped her from fronting unusually expensive proposals even when cheaper options are available. She says our friends and families will contribute but even so, the amounts required from them will be enormous. I want to make her happy on that day, but I am pushed to the wall and our friends are already raising eyebrows on this issue. The budget so far is Sh560,000 and when I suggest cheaper options she threatens to boycott the wedding saying it is her wedding and she will have it the way she wants it. I don't know what to do and I am already contemplating quitting. Please help. {Frank}

Your Take:

That woman should not put pressure you yet she knows your financial status. Marriage is not all about the wedding. It’s about understanding. There are people who get married in expensive ceremonies then break up within a short time.

{Phoebe Atieno}

If she’s contributing in any way, then go on and let her have what she wants. However, you should take some time and think about these demands. If she is threatening you over a wedding, what will happen after the wedding? Think big, man.

{Rodgers Mwiti}

Ask her if she prefers to spend Sh1 million on her wedding then after that she live in a single room. Even though it’s the d-day, she has to think about the future.

{Stacy Mbinji}

That is not love, it is showing off. When the wedding is over, how will you live without money? Won’t she then still threaten to leave or even worse actually leave you? My advice is that if you have to pay for a wedding, do it within your means. Don’t place that burden on anyone else.

{Carol Migide}

If that’s the begging yet you have not settled, what about when you get married. It will be trouble. Be ready to face it. It is better, not to mention much easier to deal with a broken courtship than a broken marriage.

{Maccathy Johns}

Why don’t you just wait till the time is right and you have enough money to wed. Everyone will be happy then, and there will be no friction between the two of you!

{Delilah Makori}

My friend, watch out. The red flag is up and that is a sign that this woman is a selfish manipulator. She is going to give you a very hard time when you marry her. Dump her and marry her best friend!

{Owen Ng’ethe}

First, congratulations for having the guts to talk it out. Secondly, I think you need to talk to her and see the best way forward. People even go to AG’s chamber and get a wedding done and at the end of the day, it will be as good a wedding as any other.

{Lisa Njeri}

Counselor’s Take:

Frank, everybody (both men and women) would like to have a big wedding. Indeed, we would all want to charter a plane to Malindi for family and friends, exchange vows on the white sandy beaches of Watamu, treat the guests to sumptuous reception, then board a luxury boat to Lamu and finally jet off to Malaysia for a one-month honeymoon, among many other things.

The concept of expensive weddings is inherited from the West. They have their share of extravagant weddings but what people fail to realise is that those are just the ones we see in movies. Most of their weddings are essentially small functions where the guests are invited to bring a drink and some food for all to share.

A critical fact that Kenyan women turn a blind eye to is that in those extravagant Western weddings, the bride's family meets most of the costs.

But a wedding is just a wedding and people will eventually learn to have weddings that are within their reach. In most instances, it is women who will make all sorts of demands but, conveniently, their contributions will always be minimal, if any.

The essential things in a wedding ceremony is a set of rings, the certificate of marriage and the presence of family and friends to share this wonderful moment with you. Anything else is superficial and while many ladies have been nurtured to believe that expensive and flamboyant weddings will make them happy, at the end of the day, it is the service providers who are smiling all the way to the bank.

Take charge of the wedding planning process, yes when your friends get spent out contributing to your wedding, you may eventually be drawn into debt. This may fix your problems in the short term but will broaden and deepen your financial troubles in the long-term.

Get a hold of the planning process and have a firm and focused opinion about how things should go. Do not be cowed by the fact that she is threatening to boycott the wedding. If she makes such trivial threats, give her the option of leaving at that point.

Nobody, man or woman should be held ransom in a relationship just because they cannot afford what the other person wants. If she is making the demands then she should as well increase her contribution to match the demands. {Taurus}

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