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2019 Resolutions: Nosy people, hold your horses this year

Now that we are back to our normal routines, shall we assemble here and put things back in order? Don’t stress, I am not about to start lecturing people about how January should be treated with a lot of care -- as if it’s their first January in life. I am here so that we can reason together on what really isn’t our business.

I am actually talking about those of us whose noses are ever in other peoples' affairs. In their next life, if they aren’t named Pinocchio, even my late great grandfather who split a huge rock into two using his walking stick will turn in his grave. By the way, I am not really sure about him splitting a huge rock into two, so please, don’t start gathering into small groups to call my great grandfather a con.

Anyway, we were talking about those who spent the better part of their December holidays venting about others. The biggest culprits are those who filled our timelines complaining about cars they know nothing about. I mean, if you think that me hiring a car to go visit my folks is a waste of money and resources, how about you concentrate on your own money? We saw you elongating your long lips twisting them like Nigerian mothers-in-law whenever you saw someone with a vehicle in their rural home.

My friend, you didn’t pay for the hired cars and you don’t own the roads they cruised on. You didn't drive the cars either and they definitely weren't parked in your home yet you find it mature to spare some time and talk ill of the bearer. Let’s all agree on one thing, if you don’t have anything to whine about this year yet you feel the urge to do so, just visit the rocky land of Seme and try pulling my great grandfather’s stunt. I hope that will keep you busy enough till Easter holidays.

Then we saw those of you whose main agenda was to scrutinise the backgrounds of the photos we uploaded online. If I upload a photo of myself standing, only a nosy human being will ignore my state-of-the-art legs that I inherited from my mother and look at the grass-thatched hut behind me then make a story out of it. Is that grass-thatched hut built on your piece of land? Are you the one living in it? If you made good use of your sharp eyes, maybe you can do the world some good by supplying binoculars that can receive orders verbally and respond as required.

I know how hard it is for us to mind our own business but shall we all agree to at least try this year? I will not even talk about those who think they know stuff well than everyone else. I innocently uploaded a video of myself preparing fish fresh from the lake and some ‘know-it-all’ gathered around the video telling me how I should have killed the fish first before I embarked on preparing it. So tell me today, how is fish killed? I guess I should have hit its head hard against the wall or hit it using a blunt object.

Anyway, next time I get the opportunity, I will kill it as you wish, maybe it will be tastier. I saw another ‘Mr I Know’ telling someone it is inhumane to run after a chicken and catch it when you want to prepare it for a meal. In his argument, the poor thing will suffer twice, it will get tired because of running then before it even catches its breath, it will face the knife. He reasoned that it was only fair to ‘arrest’ the chicken at night when it has come home to rest then slaughter it in peace.

Those who took the cup this time are those who never went anywhere but kept condemning those who travelled reminding them that January is around the corner. My friend, if I can plan to travel, it means I understand the months of the year and I am aware that January comes after December. Are we together? Happy New Year!


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