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Confessions:“Getting sober is the best thing I ever did”

Living

When we were growing up, there was no point at which our mums signed “ah! Wine o’clock” and uncorked a bottle. The idea of rewarding oneself after a hard day at work or at home looking after the babies hadn’t caught up with them.

It has now and women are drinking more than ever before as a research done in late 2016 showed that the buzz around ‘wine o’clock has made daily drinking a norm for many women.

The findings suggested that women born after 1981 may be drinking even more than male peers and many may have crossed the line without knowing. This week we sit down with two women who have been there done it but are now leading sober lives.

 

“Sober is the new cool”- Nana Gecaga, Kenyatta International Conventional Centre CEO

 “I wouldn’t attribute it to one thing. I don’t know if there is one thing only but mostly I’d say the urge to fit in is what led me into drinking. It took me many years to admit that I had a problem. Three years to be precise because as an alcoholic you don’t always want to face reality. I had to change my drinking habits when my lifestyle got unimaginable and it was now affecting my day to day life.

My sobriety journey was hard. You have to face the people you hurt or were selfish to but it also taught me to be confident again and build bridges instead of burning them. The journey however, never stops, I’m still walking it everyday but I’m happy and thankful for the new and sober life I lead. The Alcohol Anonymous (AA) program in Kenya helped stick to being sober. My last drop of alcohol was on July 1999 so 19 years this year and it’s my biggest personal accomplishment.

What I would say to someone struggling with alcoholism is that you are not alone. One of the biggest fears I had was thinking I was alone in this. To be honest I wasn’t but when you are ashamed of something you really are not going to talk about it.

This is a very personal journey, it’s one of the things you’re only going to have a few good people to help you with to first get you back on your feet. So get help. There is strength in numbers. Take it a day at a time because your journey has just started and you’re going to have bad days but just focus on getting to the end of the day.

Not to scare anyone but sadly the options for an alcoholic are either sobriety, getting a fresh start sober, avoidable health related issues that could have been avoided, prison which is self explanatory or death. The options are many but which would one do you choose? Having undergone the journey and being a product of its success, I will work to support an existing rehabilitation centre and help people overcome through telling my story.

 All I wanted was to ‘fit in’- Virginia Obonyo, Musician

“For me alcohol offered a solution to my problems and acted as a scapegoat for most of my worries and problems.

When I started drinking it was very innocent. Nothing heavy. It was all due to peer pressure from friends. With time, I started becoming a regular drinker. I would always look for an excuse to drink something. Mostly because alcohol offered a safe space for me not to think too much or worry about the things happening in my life at that moment. Also being a student and the pressure of keeping up with good grades was catching up on me so I found a way out of dealing with reality.

For seven years, I drank four days in a week. I didn’t realise how fast I was sinking down that pit of addiction until things got thick. Alcohol was not only killing my body literally, but was slowing down my dreams, my education and my chances of getting a good job. All the money I made was spent on alcohol.

The type of friends I had at the moment also encouraged my behaviour instead of trying to help me get out of it. We were all trying to live to the fullest, following the popular you only live once motto. Most of my friends at that time liked the idea that I could buy them drinks and so they didn’t want to speak up and tell me to stop because they would have to start spending their own money.

I had to take a reality check when I was admitted to hospital in 2014. I looked fine from the outside. I didn’t realise I was killing myself slowly. The doctors also revealed that I have one kidney, something I did not know. Apparently my other kidney was removed when I was a child after it developed a growth. After hearing that I had to make a choice to either stop drinking and live, or keep drinking and die.

So I started slowly by reducing the amount of alcohol I consumed bit by bit and eventually ditched the bottle. I’ve been sober for five months now and I’m hoping to keep it up. Alcohol is meant to relax your mind but if a spoonful of it affects your health then don’t take it. It’s not worth it.

According to the National Campaign Against Drug Abuse (NACADA) alcohol and drug abuse is high among young adults between the ages of 15 and 29.

The authority’s statistic and trends show that 16.6 per cent of urban residents are users of various types of alcohol compared to those who live in rural areas standing at 11.4 per cent. Considering individual alcoholic beverages, Nairobi has the highest current usage of packaged/legal alcohol (15.7 per cent) followed by Central (9.2 per cent).

So how do you know if you are an alcoholic?

Margaret Mbithi (pictured below), a counsellor at the Technical University of Kenya explains that women born in families with people who use alcohol are more likely to adapt the drinking culture compared to women born in a non-drinking family.

She also avers that there is a close relationship between alcohol use among women who have gone through hard incidents like rape and gender based violence.

“These women use alcohol as a psychological pain killer or a temporary way of coping with the emotional and psychological pain,” she says.

When one comes out and admits they are alcoholics, Mbithi says the family should always step in and offer unconditional support. “Often alcoholics are seen as the black sheep in the family , the one who brings shame to the family yet, they need a lot of love and acceptance,” she adds.

Signs you may be an alcohol dependent

You have had times when you ended up drinking more or for a long period than you intended. Have more than once tried or wanted to cut down or stop drinking. Spent a lot of time drinking or being sick of getting over the after effects of alcohol. Experienced craving (strong desire, need or urge to drink). This craving is often what leads one to continue drinking. Have given up or cut activities that were otherwise enjoyed or important in order for you to drink. Continued to drink even though it was causing family problems. Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you wanted. Realized that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms such as trouble falling asleep, shaking irritably, anxiety, depression, nausea, sweating, restlessness or hallucinations.

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