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Home / Relationships

Confessions: 'Stressed, tired and skint and I don't want to have sex with my annoying husband'

 We are having financial troubles and have to support (Image: Shutterstock)

Dear Coleen,

My husband and I have been under a load of stress – work related and financial, plus we have two young children.

The past year has been a nightmare and we haven’t had sex in a few months.

We snap at each other all the time, so the last thing I want to do is jump into bed with him.

I’m worried we’re drifting further and further apart, trying to make ends meet and cope with the pressure.

I never thought I’d look at my husband and think: “I can’t stand you!” and not want to be around him, but that’s what’s happened.

Can you help?

Coleen says,

I imagine a lot of couples are in the same situation after the past year.

My kids are adults now (my eldest is 32) and I’ve watched them feel the pressure over lockdown, but they still have date nights where they forget about the outside noise for a couple of hours.

So, when your kids are in bed, turn off the telly, have a lovely meal and talk.

Stress kills sex like nothing else! If you’re stressed out by someone, the last thing you want to do is sleep with them.

And you have to work at getting to a better place.

So schedule in the time where you can take a pause from thinking about money, work, Covid and kids.

There are some things you can’t change that are beyond your control – like lockdown – so you have to push the pause button and take time out from it.

Being aware of each other’s stress helps, too. It shouldn’t be a competition about who’s more stressed.

If you can talk and understand where your partner is coming from, it will break the deadlock.

Sometimes a little bit of kindness eases the pressure and lightens the mood for an hour or two, and it brings you back together as a couple.

Yes, it’s much easier said than done, but I’m sure that underneath all that stress you still love each other and, if you do, then the sex will come back.

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