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Girl code: I’m 35 and don’t owe anyone marriage

Readers Lounge By Beryl Wanga Itindi
You really have to be sure before you say “I do” (Image: Shutterstock)

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The end of the year is around the corner, we all know how the society will make fun of all those women who had listed down ‘marriage’ as one of their resolutions for this year. I am, however, here to assure all women who might have listed this dream in vain not to lose hope.

No one should hold a finishing line for you in terms of marriage. Marriage is a full-time serious commitment that should be treated with the seriousness it deserves. Don’t rush into it just because you think you need to beat the deadline by December. As a matter of fact, never put a deadline on matters of the heart. The heart has a way of making decisions on its own, in most cases, leaving the brain out of it.

There is a lot more in marriage than a lavish wedding and matching outfits. You really have to be sure before you say “I do”. Are you ready to wake up to the same face every morning for the rest of your life? If not, hold your horses and work on other equally important dreams. Let love come your way when you least expect it.

I have seen many people rush into this delicate institution because of peer pressure then, later on, come out here and start discouraging the rest of us who are single from getting married. I mean, why did you get married in the first place? Just because you got in and found what you least expected doesn’t mean you come out and start discouraging the rest of us. At least not when the experience is still the best teacher. Allow some of us to get there as well and live to tell our story.

Married or not, sit pretty at your throne and fan yourself if possible (Image: Sabrina Rohwer from Pexels)

Once you board a bus, have a seat and fasten your belt for the ride. Let those of us still at the bus stop wait for our ride. We did not push you into a bus with a faulty engine and broken windows. We were not part of the decision-makers when your brain encouraged you to board a bus with a careless driver. Once in, just sit and manage the consequences without yelling at those still at the bus stop.

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We have seen many people peacefully walk out of the marriage institution after realising they made a mistake. They do that without pointing a finger at us. We have equally seen those who enjoy single life without castigating the married. I mean, if you decide to remain single, well and good. Just don’t wake up each morning attacking those who are married as though they are using your heart to love one another.

There is so much bile around these two groups. It’s like each group is on its side by mistake. You should hear how much married women are blaming single women for putting their marriages on the rocks. You should equally see how the single women are up in arms condemning the married ones blaming them for causing tsunamis in their own marriages. This is exactly what happens when you get married or remain single for the wrong reasons. You end up spitting venom like an irritated cobra at anyone who seems to be living your dream. Marriage isn’t like an assignment that has a deadline to be achieved. We have seen people get married successfully in their early 20s and late 50s. So calm down and live your dream.

I am in my mid-thirties and already the society has evicted me from the room where aspiring wives wait to fall in love. Apparently, according to this society, if I am in my mid-thirties and still single, my time to fall in love went with the floods that carried Noah’s ark and I shouldn’t be dreaming of a marriage. Dear fellow women, married or not, sit pretty at your throne and fan yourself if possible. Never let anyone else hold your happiness for you. Depending on whatever angle you look at it from, both single and marriage life are wonderful. Fall in love and get married at the pace of your heart, not your brain. The brain has a way of giving in to peer pressure.

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