The struggles of dating a breadwinner, why they are a dreaded lot : Evewoman - The Standard
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Girl Talk

Girl code: To all mean sister in-laws out there

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Ladies, have you ever dated a breadwinner? How was it?

I once dated one even after my girlfriends had warned me against it. I wanted to experience first-hand why breadwinners are a dreaded lot in the dating world especially if you on the other hand are struggling financially. Back then, I was still jobless but that didn’t prevent me from falling in love.

I remember the first time he introduced me to his folks during a family gathering. The ‘wife material’ in me had driven me into the kitchen to help the sisters. Immediately I walked into the kitchen, I was welcomed with a ‘Where do you work?’ I confidently told them that I was unemployed not knowing I had just given them a licence to start a cold war with me. From then on, I was viewed as a girl who had just walked into their bro’s life to spend his money. Have you ever been accused of something so many times you even start feeling guilty about it? Despite all these, I stuck there like a leech fulfilling the desires of my heart, which was to love and be loved.

I cannot explain the number of times I was accused of siphoning his money to my family! Anytime they asked him for money and he said he didn’t have it, I ended up the victim. They always thought I had a hand in it.

If you have a faint heart, keep off men who take care of bills back at home especially one whose family still lives in the 10th century. As for me, I still thank my late mother for the heart of steel she blessed me with. Somehow, my life always goes on and on even when the winds blow against me.

Don’t dare throw unnecessary blames my way because I really don’t care especially when pettiness kicks in. You cannot be telling me not to have ice-cream because apparently I am wasting your brother’s money.

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Then there are those who will not want to see you in any new attire claiming you are using their brother’s money to buy it all. My friend, was I walking naked before I met your brother? Anyway, why exactly does your brother’s money itch you so much? Can’t you just work hard and have your own. Or better still, come see me for tips on how to fall in love with a breadwinner. Jealousy will be the end of you my sister. Even if your ‘rich’ brother’s wife is jobless, you don’t have the right to throw words around her. One day you shall meet your match, I promise you this.

These same family members are the ones who treat you depending on how ‘monied’ you are. Just be keen on family gatherings and see how the jobless wives are told to light jikos and fetch firewood.

The ‘monied’ ones are always asked to taste if the chicken has enough salt and pepper. They are served mineral water whenever they are thirsty, you ‘broke’ one try asking for water and you will be directed to an old pot at the corner of a dark hut. Stern instructions and warnings follow you as you walk towards the pot. “Hey, don’t forget to tilt it to the left when you are fetching water from it. Don’t use that cup, use another one”.

I would however wish to tell you all that your self-esteem and confidence should not be dented by such backwardness. Do not coil your tail and sulk because of the people judging you around.

Stand your ground, be that confident lady who knows what she wants and goes for it. As long as you aren’t stepping on anyone’s toes and your man stands by you, nothing else should bother you.

Be happy, remember we only live once. Don’t be afraid to fall in love with a breadwinner, take up the challenge my sister, swing those hips into his life whether jobless or not. Love doesn’t chose. If they say you are ‘eating’ their son’s money, eat them too! I am currently not dating and I am not going to limit myself to please others. The world has taught me better. Ladies, let’s stop digging into our brothers’ marriages, shall we? Thank you!

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