Confessions: We’ve been dating since 2016, I still don’t know where he lives : Evewoman - The Standard
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We’ve been dating since 2016, I still don’t know where he lives

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I met him in 2015 and we started dating 2016. We are in love with each other only for the fact that he has never disclosed to me where he lives. He knows my place and even has a set of keys to my house but whenever I ask him where he lives or if he is hiding some things from me, he gets angry and goes silent on me for some time.

I recently found he has saved me as “Steve” and that he is 10 years older than what he has always told me, making him 17 years older than me, and that he was once married and has a 10-year-old daughter. All this is news to me and I am feeling cheated and taken for granted. I don’t think I deserve this kind of a relationship and I don’t know what to do since I really love him.

Please advise me.

Gilda

What the readers say:

Gilda, you are alone in that relationship and this man is only pretending to be in love with you. Tell him to come clean with you and if he does not, just leave and forget about him. He may be hiding many other things. Love is happiness and you aren’t guaranteed to achieve it from a relationship in which you are being taken for granted and cheated on.

{Kelvin Munga}

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The writing is on the wall, Gilda. This man has two or more wives out there. He is cheating on you and is only interested in the fruits and honey he is getting from you. Stay away from this man since life can become very complicated for you. Change the padlock to your door now because, someday, you will actually come to know his true colours.

{Onyango Outha}                   

Gilda, that’s an unfair treatment to you. Recalling all that you have spent and taken from this guy, he should have, for sure, told you the truth. If he was serious about you, he would have done that by now. Now that all these facts are out in the open, I wonder what it is you are waiting for. Walk out of this stressful situation and God will give you a good man in his own time. Open your eyes wide and take care.

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

Gilda, you have now realised that he is a liar. Even if he professes his love for you, I am sure he is telling all the other women in his life the same thing so I hope you know that his words are not worth anything. I am sure you know the right thing to do. Leave and delete him from your life and all your social sites and contacts. Don’t waste any more time or energy on him, this was never a relationship of equals or honesty but rather of deceit and selfishness, he ought to have been open to you from the word go.

{Fred Jausenge}

 

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Simon says:

Gilda, it is rather strange to be in a relationship with someone for three years and not know anything about that person. At this rate, I am not sure you even know his official names. This situation is not looking pretty and you ought to do some soul searching to try and find yourself through all this.

 

I believe you are the only one genuinely in this relationship if after three years you knew nothing about this man (apart from the recent revelations). He has saved you as a man on his phone, he lied about his age and apparently he now has a child. This points to a critical fact about this relationship. He is in this relationship for other reasons apart from what you may be thinking and I also believe that he is holding back a lot more information than you imagine. I say this because the only reason a man would save you as a “man” on his phone is to avoid suspicion being that he is in a serious relationship which could also be a marriage. This also confirms why he has never disclosed where he lives and any other detail about his life.

These are dangerous times, Gildah and you should not spend a minute more with a person whose character, identity and background you do not know. He may be a criminal and you really don’t know what his intentions are and just to be clear about this, you don’t want to wait to find out – you may be in another state when you finally find out what he is truly up to.

This relationship, Gilda, is based on deception and such relationships do not go anywhere. I am somewhat surprised at the fact that you still have some level of trust in him even after having found out all these things (he still has keys to your house). This is extremely dangerous. While I usually encourage people to remain in the relationship and sort things out from within, in this one I will tell you to run. Run, Gilda, run while you still can; this man is a cheat and you don’t want to put your life in the hands of a man whose last name you are not even sure of. If he did things out there and the authorities linked him with you, you would be in so much trouble you would not believe it. Run, Gilda run!

 

Simon is a relationships counsellor

 

Boke says:

I couldn’t agree more. Yes, you do not deserve this. Relationships do not thrive on mysteries. Until now, you are dating a mysterious guy who you know very little about. I wish I could tell you to take your time and be more deliberate in getting to know this man. But as things are, it is not necessary. The issue has everything to do with the man’s character and not the lack of information.

You need to be cautious when an individual not only conceals but also lies on basic information such as their age. What else about him is not true? His name?

The possible scenario could be he is married with children and you are his side chick. At the end of this, you will be heartbroken and you will have wasted your time. The other possibility is that this man could be involved in crime. Secrecy is a common trait among criminals. Take note of how much of your life you have exposed to him while you know very little about him.

Refuse to be manipulated by his silence and anger. You have every right to this vital information about him. This person is aware that you are likely to have nothing to do with him if he presented his true self to you. I am sure you do not want to be in a relationship with an imaginary person. As things stand, you are dating a total stranger who could be anything -- including a danger to your life.

Girl, you need to walk away and walk away very fast. Falsehood and secrecy are warning signs. You also need to careful about your safety just in case he becomes vengeful for breaking up with him. You should consider changing houses too. You deserve better than this. Let go of the bad and make room for the good.

 

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology

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